Tuesday, March 29, 2011

What a Day

Today has been exhausting.  Let's start with I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night and woke up holding tight to my slightly bulging belly and thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest.  I haven't ever had an anxiety attack like the one I felt last night.  And it was 12:30 a.m...which is when I woke up when I was in labor with Bailey.  I don't know why, but I have come to really dread that time.

I tossed and turned the rest of the night and this morning, first thing at 9:00 a.m., I called my Dr.'s office, left a message on my nurse's line and got a call back within 5 minutes of me calling.  I told London about my anxiety attack and about my massive constipation I have had.  I'll talk about that in just a bit...I know you, as my reader, can't wait to hear about my plumbing problems...lol!

My nurse wanted me to come in at 10:15 to see my Dr.  I needed reassurance that everything is okay with CB.  We got there and waited for a little while, and then my Dr. brought in the portable sono machine and did a quick ultrasound and we saw CB wiggling around...whew!  Heartrate was 157 bpm...again...whew!

We discussed whether or not for me to start taking an anti-depressant.  I'm not thrilled with the idea and she said I didn't have to.  I think I am going to wait until after the cerclage procedure and see how I am doing after that.  I know part of the anxiety is because we are only a month away from Bailey's first birthday and as it gets closer, the harder it gets.

We talked about my constipation and she wants me to take Colace twice a day and Benefiber twice a day until I regulate and then once a day on both for the remainder of my pregnancy.  Go figure that the day we talk about this, I FINALLY had 2 bowel movements and my belly feels better.

We also talked about doing the P17 shots when I reach 16 weeks.  She knew there were pharmacies here that are still compounding the drug, so she called my MFM today to find out if they knew where, and they did, so my Dr.'s office called to find out the shelf life on the meds.  She said if the shelf life was good (or even if it wasn't), she would call in what she could for me, so we could at least get it for cheaper than $1500/shot.  I received a call back from them while I was in the shower this afternoon, and they found a pharmacy that is still compounding it, and they called in my prescription...and I think it's for the whole 20 shots!  I will pay $55.00/vial instead of the $1500/shot and I am ecstatic about it.  I was so worried about what we were going to do when we got to that point, because we really need that shot, as I know so many other people do too.

After a sleepless night, I did catch a nap today because I didn't go back to work after my appointment, and overall, I am feeling better.  Counting down the days until we get the cerclage in, and praying it does the trick!  That along with the shots, I am hoping that we can keep CB in here for another 26 weeks!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

First High Risk Appointment

I had my first high-risk appointment with the perinatologist yesterday afternoon.  I spent majority of the day having massive anxiety, because I was so afraid something was going to be wrong with CB.  The other part of my anxiety was because I had NO idea what to expect.

We got to our appointment and first thing we did was have an extensive ultrasound done.  It was nice to have an ultrasound done, because I wasn't really expecting it.  This was more extensive than even my 18 week ultrasound with Bailey.  Yesterday, I was 11w5d and CB was measuring at 12w1d with a heartrate of 163 bpm!  We got pictures of his/her feet and hands and good picture of the face (looks like a little martian) and then a regular profile picture.  All development of the brain, bladder, and stomach looked normal.  She also did an internal ultrasound to measure my cervix.  She didn't share those measurements.

Dr. Mirabile came in shortly after she was done and did another ultrasound and said that CB looked really good and he was pleased.  He offered to do the NT screening and we decided to go ahead and have that done since it was non-invasive testing.  He also did a physical check of my cervix and said it was closed, firm, and something else.

We scheduled to have the cerclage placed on April 1st at 7:00 a.m.  We have to be at Mercy at 5:00 a.m. to check in.  I have prescriptions for afterwards and they said no food or water for 8 hours prior to the procedure.  That one will stink because I wake up during the night and am horribly thirsty.  But, I am not going to risk it, because they said if I do eat or drink after the time, they will cancel the procedure.  I need that done so hopefully CB will hang out up there until the end, so I will survive without.

So, cerclage on April 1st and then next appointment with MFM on April 26th.  That will put me in my 16th week, so I am hoping that they will do another ultrasound at that time, and MAYBE we can find out what little CB is!  I can't wait to find out!

So, so far, so good...and that's all we can ask for right now.  We'll continue loving this little one for as long as he or she gets to be with us...and hopefully, that's for the rest of my lifetime.

Monday, March 14, 2011

10w4d

Today is 10w4d and my, oh my, has this week been an anxiety filled one.  Yesterday, we went to the ER because I was bleeding.  The ER Doctor was a jerk (in my opinion) and kept talking about how we would just have to wait and see if this ends in miscarriage or if it turns out okay.

We went to my infertility specialist for my last visit today.  CB was all over the place and was very active!  We then followed up with my regular Dr. after yesterday's events.  We talked for a while, and she completely understands my anxiety and wants us to be as at ease as possible, so she has offered to let us come in weekly for sonograms and heartrate checks, or however often we need.  She said she understands that I probably won't relax until we are in the "safe" zone, but she said she also knows that being a part of this community that I won't be completely at ease until this little one is safe and sound in our arms.  I'm so blessed to have wonderful Dr.'s who are willing to accommodate us and help us however we need.

Next sonogram is scheduled for Friday.  And I'll add the picture of CB from today once I get it scanned in to my computer.

It's back to work tomorrow for me, but with limited duty.  I think I am going to rest and relax and not do any audits until after we go to high-risk next week and possibly not until after we have our cerclage done.  Once we get through that, and through the 12 week mark, I think I will feel a little bit better for the time being...at least until we get to 23 weeks.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It's Scary

Pregnancy is supposed to be exciting and fun...but, let's be honest...none of my pregnancies have really ever been just that.  My first 2 were short-lived, my third was a nerve racking experience until I got out of the first trimester and then at 23 weeks my world got turned upside down.  And this pregnancy has been not as eventful as Bailey's, but let's face it, it's just pretty darn scary.

At 9w4d with Bailey, I had unexplained bleeding that landed me on bedrest for 2 days.  At 9w4d (Monday) with CB, I had tightness in my abdomen and then a horrible lower backache and cramps that landed me in the emergency room to make sure everything was okay.  CB was bouncing away on the monitor (for the brief second we saw) and all tests for infection and UTI came back negative.  Some people might think, "really, a trip to the ER for a lower backache and tightness?"  I will go to the ER every week if something doesn't feel right and it's after hours at my Dr.'s office, just to know CB is okay and that neither one of us are in danger. 

A follow-up with my RE's office yesterday, left me feeling better because CB was a bouncy little one and my cervix measured double what they expect.  My instructions are to hydrate, stay off of my feet, and call if I need ANYTHING.  There was talk of bedrest...but we avoided that for the time being. 

Can I say again that I LOVE my RE's office?  My Dr. and his nurse are wonderful.  I often feel like a pain in the butt to them, but after talking to them both yesterday, my nurse told me to NEVER hesitate if I need to call.  She told me when she checks her voicemail and hears that I have called, I am top priority to call back, because they know how hard it's been for me.  In a way, I hate being "that patient" but at the same time, I felt so much better to know that I am not as crazy as I thought.

Next appointment is with my regular OB's office on Thursday.  I'll only see the nurse and will get asked probably 200 questions, but my 1 question for them is:  What will be different with them in regards to seeing me this time around?  I'm already going to a high-risk Dr., but is that it?  Or will they monitor me closer too?

I just don't want to go through the next 30 weeks (probably a couple less) scared and feeling like I am walking on egg-shells.  I want this to be exciting and fun.  And more importantly, I want to bring home more than just a memory.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

8w4d with CB and 10 months without Bailey

Yesterday was such a bittersweet day.  On one hand, we got to see CB and see that he/she (we really think CB is a girl due to the Cuban predictor and also the Chinese thingy agrees, so don't be surprised if I just starting referring to CB that way) is a little wiggler!  We got to see her wiggling little arms and legs!  It was absolutely adorable!  We are right on track and actually measuring 2 days up from the last 2 visits.  Our first 2 visits placed our due date a October 9th, which according to my LMP is October 6th, and yesterday, CB was measuring at October 7th! 

And oh, that beautiful little heartbeat.  Beating strong and steady and 172 bpm.  That is the most beautiful music to any momma's ears.  Getting to hear the heartbeat of the precious little one that is growing inside of us.  My heart just melts.

We scheduled our first appointment with my regular OB yesterday for March 10th.  It will be the fabulous appointment where we get to answer about 200 questions.  Then we go back to my RE on the 14th for one more ultrasound with him.  I love my RE's office...he is so understanding about how hard this is for us, and he wants us to have piece of mind.  And then on March 22nd, we will have our first appointment with the MFM.  We should have our cerclage done that same week or the week after, because I will turn 12 weeks a couple of days after that appointment.

Test this on your little ones and see if it works...everyone I know close to me, it has proven true, and I'm curious if it proved true for you?  The Cuban method:  Take your age at time of conception + the month you conceived and add those 2 numbers together.  If it's odd it's a boy, if it's even it's a girl.   For example with Bailey:  I was 26 when we conceived and we conceived in December.  26+12 = 38.  38 is an even number = girl!  With CB:  I was 27 when we conceived and we conceived in January.  27+1=28.  28 is even = girl!  Did you try it?  Did it work for you?  Please let me know!  I'm curious!  :)

Here's a picture of CB on 2/28/2011.  My little wiggle-worm!


Even with all the happiness I felt yesterday, there was still some sadness.  Yesterday was 10 months that we've been without our little Bailey.  I still miss her dearly, but I know she is watching out for her little brother or sister.  I know she is helping us get through.  And I know that in 2 months we will be celebrating this precious little girl's 1st birthday, and that just blows my mind.  I remember being 2 months into this journey, not being able to imagine what it would be like to be a year out.  And now, we are almost there, and it just seems unreal.  It's just crazy.

I have hope and I have faith and I pray with every fiber of my being that CB is our take-home baby.  Bailey, honey, can you pull some strings and see if you can help us out with mommy's request?  Mommy and Daddy loves you and we miss you sweet girl, but we know you are watching out for CB.  Be good and don't cause too much mischief!

Love,
Mommy