Sunday, May 19, 2013

SURPRISE!!!

I've been dying to post this for WEEKS now!  Even though this is more for my benefit, because I don't think there are many who read my not very active blog nowadays, I will probably become more active now that we have some very exciting news to share!

 
 
My caption posted to this photo on Facebook said "Cameron says 'I'm so excited...I'm calling everyone I know to tell them...I'm going to be a BIG sister'!". 

Being someone who has battled infertility for YEARS (we started our journey to start a family in 2006), I honestly didn't know it could be easy!  We were fortunate with Bailey and Cameron to ONLY have to do medications to get pregnant, but seeing an RE, charting everything monthly, planning and timing everything...let's face it...it's not the most fun, and it's exhausting!  That process right there was what was keeping us from deciding to go back to the RE.  Plus, we're right in the middle of Operation Pay Crap Off.

Even at my annual in April, I was asked about birth control (like always) and as always, I declined.  I KNOW my body.  I told them I didn't foresee anything happening as my cycles have been wacky since Cameron's arrival (nothing unusual for me).  One normal cycle, one with a short luteal phase, and then a 4 month long cycle...yup, that's how I roll.  My Dr. even laughed and said "You'd be surprised how many women I see who have so many problems getting pregnant, go through treatments, have a baby, and then spontaneously get pregnant".  I laughed.  In my mind, that would NEVER be us!

Boy, was I wrong!  I won't go into the gory details to spare you, but this cycle started in February.  That's right, February!  But come early April, I knew what was happening.  We've semi-sort of talked about it, gave it one shot, and 11 days later...holy surprise Batman on that pee stick!

I stopped at Wal-Mart one Thursday evening because I had been feeling "off".  Knowing that it was really too early to test, I went ahead and did it that evening, not expecting anything.  And I was right, negative test (I use digital, so there was no guessing).  I wasn't upset, and actually hadn't even told Adam that I had tested.  Just chunked the test and went on. 

That night though...I had the most vivid dream.  I have dreams quite frequently, most of the time, weird ones or ones that scare the crap out of me, but when I wake, I can't remember them.  Vivid dreams typically only happen when I'm pregnant.  This one had me waking to find myself in tears.  I dreamt of my Mamaw.  My Mamaw just passed on February 18th of this year.  One of the most awful days I can recall in my life.  But, on the evening of April 18th, and having this VERY vivid dream made me wonder.  In my dream, I was saying "Say bye-bye to Great Mamaw" but I wasn't saying it to Cameron.  I couldn't see a face.  But, I knew it wasn't Cameron.

After having that dream, I got up on Friday, the 19th, and even though I had gotten that negative test not even 12 hours before, I peed on another one.  Just as with Cameron, I waited, I weighed myself, I washed my hands, I fiddled around for what seemed like the LONGEST 3 minutes ever.  I walked back over getting ready to pick up the test and chunk it in the trash, and saw it..."Pregnant".  All I could say is "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".  I could hear Adam from the bedroom ask "what?" and all my response could be was "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, holy crap".  And then I freaked the crap out. 

It's NEVER been this easy!  We didn't know it could be this easy!  Who'da freaking thunk it?!

I called the Dr's office that morning AS SOON AS they opened and left a message for the nurse.  She called back shrieking and sent me for bloodwork.  I left immediately and went and had it done.  Even though they closed at noon and I expected not to get my results until Monday, they called me back and gave me my results...it was official...33.7 beta.  Only instructions were to start progesterone immediately and go back on Monday for another beta.

Monday the 22nd's beta came back at 182.3...better than I expected!  My Dr.'s office said I didn't have to go back for anymore.  A few days later, I called and asked if I could go back and have the 3rd one done, just for my own sanity.  So on Monday the 29th, I went back and that beta was 3840...again, better than I expected!

We scheduled an early ultrasound so we could make sure we really did have something growing in there.  In the meantime, we didn't tell anyone.  And finally, on May 14th, we got to see our little blueberry!  First ultrasound revealed only one little blueberry growing with a heart rate of 148 bpm, measuring at 7 weeks, and due on December 31st!  I finally felt like I could breathe!

We announced to our families this weekend with Cameron being in the shirt seen in the picture above, and everyone seems excited!  We are ecstatic and anxiously wait for December!  We hope and pray this pregnancy is as easy as it was to make it happen.  So far, that hasn't proven true as I've had many of the same scares that I had with both Bailey and Cameron, but I'm just going to chalk it up to my body is weird.  All I can say is:  I'm SO glad that I blogged while pregnant with Cameron...because the craziness is the same in some regards, it's helping keeping me somewhat sane!  But, here we go again!

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Three Years

I know I say this every year, but where does time go?

I CANNOT even believe that it's been three years.  Well, three years and a day to be exact. 

I managed to make it through yesterday without having a nervous breakdown.  We got new flowers put out at the cemetery.  Cameron admired the flowers and the light reflector that we have out there, and kept pointing to them and Bailey's headstone, and kept saying "pretty".  We talked about her sister (as we normally do) and she babbled on (like she normally does). 

We talked about how different this year is.  The past 2 years, we have put flowers out, and then we would go to my Mamaw's house and visit with her.  Last year on Bailey's birthday, we were having her and her headstone moved next to where Mamaw was to be buried.  I never in a million years imagined that a year later, Mamaw would be next to her, and we would be "visiting" her there.

It's just hard to believe, but it's our life.

I felt the overwhelming love from all the facebook messages and texts yesterday.  That's one of my biggest fears...that she'll be forgotten.  And the love we received yesterday told us she hasn't been.

It was a day of love, reflection, and remembrance.

Happy Third Birthday in Heaven, sweet Bailey!  We miss you so much!