Monday, April 30, 2012

Bailey's 2nd Birthday

The anxiety leading up to today has been overwhelming.  Has it really been two years?  I just can't believe it.  Adam and I were talking on our way home from my mom's birthday dinner last night and I made the comment that there are many days that I still can't believe that this is our life.  He agreed.

Sleep was a rarity last night, and what little bit I got was not restful...Adam didn't sleep much either.  And at 3:33 a.m. this morning, my eyes popped open...and I came apart.  I typed my Happy Birthday post to Bailey on Facebook and cried as I posted it.  And it was absolutely fitting that it was pouring down rain this morning as I remembered everything that happened on that fateful day.  Every time a text message came in, a facebook comment was posted, a picture or a video was posted, the tears flowed. 

Finally today, Bailey was also moved to her final resting place on this Earth.  She is no longer at the foot of my Grandma's grave.  And even though, I have no doubt that my Grandma would have been honored for her to be there (stone and all), I no longer have to worry about the drama.  We really wanted her and her stone moved before her birthday so we could put out flowers and it all came together.  Her stone was moved on Friday and she was moved this morning.  Because everything is done, we were able to go out to visit and put out her flowers.

We went to Hobby Lobby and picked out the flowers we wanted and Adam got his cat tails to add to the bouquets...those will always be included in her birthday bouquets.  It's his thing...and I love that he has a special thing just for her.

We put them out while Cameron tried to eat dirt and we stood and just held each other while the tears flowed.  It's so hard to believe this is who we are...this is our lives.

2 candles lit for her 2nd Birthday

Cameron and Daddy try to figure out how the wreath goes in the ground.

New flowers for her final Earthly resting place.

My Dear Sweet Bailey,

Baby girl, I can't believe it's been 2 years since you left us.  So much has happened in two years...but we still miss you like crazy.  I remember everything about the day you were born.  I remember holding you in my arms, and being overwhelmed with such incredible love for you and at the same time, being overwhelmed by such incredible sadness because you couldn't stay.

Two years ago, you gave me the most precious gift of my life...you made me a mom.  I know had you not left us, you never could have sent us your sweet sister.  I know you watch out for her every day.  As the butterflies were in the yard this weekend, I wondered if you and your friends came to visit.  I know you have so many friends up there, because I am blessed to be friends with their mommies.

I know you are having the best party up in Heaven today.  I know you are enjoying some cake and ice cream and loving every single bit of it.  The Heavens were crying this morning as mommy cried too. 

You are such an amazing little girl and I am blessed that you are mine.

Sweet girl, please keep your sister safe and watch out for her.  We tell her about you all the time and she will know that you are watching out for her.

Happy 2nd Birthday my precious little girl!  Mommy, Daddy, and Cameron love you so much and so do so many others.  Your short time here on Earth has affected so many others and you are so incredibly loved.

Love,
Mommy

5 comments:

Dana said...

I thought of you all many times yesterday. It's so hard to believe that it has been 2 whole years...hard to comprehend how so much time can pass, yet you can be back in the moment of when she was born, of when you got to hold her in an instant.

Bailey's new resting place and stone is beautiful. I'm so glad that she was settled there by her birthday.

car said...

Happy Birthday sweet Bailey.

I'm glad that Bailey was moved in time for her birthday and that you can visit her on her birthday and in the future with less stress and drama. The flowers look beautiful.

Drew's Parents said...

Your letters to Bailey always bring me tears. They are so sweet and so playful...and so full of love. I can just imagine her with all of her family and angel friends.
I couldn't believe the timing of the burial. I hate that you guys had to go through all of that crazy (among other adjectives) drama. But I am grateful that she is in her final resting place, and that you were able to visit her on her special day. Your comment about Cameron eating dirt made me smile. I can just picture it! I bet she made Bailey smile as well.
Happy Birthday, Bailey. You are forever loved and remembered. xoxo Love to you all!

In My Heart said...

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!!!

Danea,
After months of computer problems, We are finally up and running again. Wahoo.
Hugs~
Jill

Rhiannon said...

I am so glad that Bailey was moved to her final resting place by her birthday. Although the pictures of Cameron sitting at her sister's grave are heartbreaking. It's just not how life should be but I guess for some of us, it is. I hope that you found peace in your heart on Bailey's birthday and in the days after. Sending you and both of your sweet girls lots of love always. <3