Fourth Birthday

Four years.  How can it be?  It's amazing to me that most days I can't tell you what I did...and most of the time I can't remember back to what I did last week.  But, four years ago today?  I remember it all.

Most women dream of the day they will meet their first baby.  Those dreams don't include infertility.  Those dreams don't include temping, charting, planning, and stress.  And those dreams most certainly never include having to say goodbye all at the same time.

With the upcoming anniversary of the May 20th tornadoes that ripped through our area last year, which took the lives of 7 children while they were at school, I was watching an interview with their parents on our local news.  They talked about how people have told them "to get over it" or similar phrases.  That struck a raw spot with me.  This isn't something you "get over".  This isn't something you forget.  No matter how old your child...when the circle of life doesn't follow the presumed order of children burying their parents, and instead things go the other way around...you never "get over it".  You learn to cope, you learn to adjust, you just learn. 

The pain doesn't go away and Bailey will always be our missing link in our family, but each year, it is more tolerable.  I think it's become more tolerable because of her two beautiful sisters.  They are the sunshine in our lives.  They truly are our rainbows after the storm. 

Bailey's birthday has become a designated and guaranteed "Family Outting Day".  No running errands, going to the grocery store, or doing chores.  It's a day for us.

Today, in celebration of Bailey's 4th birthday, as we have done every year, we took the day off from work.  We picked out flowers and drove down to my hometown to put out new flowers on her spot.  This year, Cameron helped pick out the flowers.  Although she still doesn't quite understand what we are doing, she is involved.  And as she gets older, we will continue to keep both girls involved in the memorial and celebration of this day, and we will continue to tell them about their older sister. 

It was a little too chilly this morning to get Evyn out of the car, so this year's picture has only Cameron in it.  Next year, hopefully we can get both girls out.  Our weather this year has been entirely unpredictable. 

 

 

After putting out the new flowers, we headed back to the city and decided to take the girls to the zoo.  Cameron LOVED the animals this year.  Everything she saw was "oooooh, cow!  Mooooooooo!".  She's too funny.  Evyn could have cared less (what else do you expect from a 4 1/2 month old baby?) and fell asleep about halfway through.

 

Here are some of the pictures from the day...

 

 





It was as perfect of a day as it could be.  The weather was just right and it was a wonderful day with our two girls.  The only thing that would have made it better is if all three of our girls were here with us.  But, instead, we celebrate and remember our beautiful little 1 pound 4 ounce Bailey.

Happy 4th Birthday in Heaven sweet girl!  We love and miss you!