Changing of Seasons

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope has posed a monthly writing challenge.  September's topic:  How has the changing of seasons (from summer to fall) impacted you in your grief journey?

I am happy to be going through these seasonal changes right now.  Spring and Fall are my favorite times of the year.  Summer is too hot and winter is too cold.  But, Spring and Summer?  They are just right!

I love Fall...it's the start of sweater weather. The leaves change colors.  It's beautiful.  It means cooler weather.  And in true Oklahoma spirit, it means the start of football season!!!  Boomer Sooner!



Here in Oklahoma, it's been hot, up until yesterday.  On September 18th, sitting in Oklahoma Memorial Stadium for the OU vs. Air Force game, the temp was in the mid 90's.  I was sweating profusely, and felt exceptionally gross.  Yesterday, a wonderful cold front rolled though, and the high for today?  Mid 70's! 

This year though, Fall doesn't have the same meaning it always has held with me.  This Fall was supposed to be entirely different.  It was supposed to mean a brand new life...a new addition to our family.  I was looking forward to dressing Bailey up in an adorable little OU cheerleading outfit.  I was looking forward to coordinating a Halloween costume for her, Desiree, and Desmond.  I was looking foward to giving up going to 1-2 football games this year.  But, you know the old saying..."The best laid plans of mice and men...often go awry". 

Even though nothing is how it was "supposed" to be, the change of the season has been good for me.  It's a new season of hope.  I have hope that Fall this year, will be good to us, just as Fall last year was.  It was during the Fall we discovered we were pregnant with Bailey.  It was the Spring that was cruel to us and during that season, she was taken away.  But Fall, we're still on good terms...for now.  I just hope that Fall this year gives us the opportunity to make Bailey the big sister we dream of her being. 

I have made leaps and bounds in the transition from Summer to Fall.  I am feeling better.  I am genuinely laughing and smiling.  I can speak of Bailey and smile at the precious little girl we got to hold only so briefly, but who made the biggest impace on our lives.  Although, I dearly wish she were here with us, I have comfort knowing she is always watching over us.  She's got our backs.

I hope the changing of seasons has been just as good to the rest of you, as it has been to me.  In my season of hope, that's my hope for each of you.  And I hope we all have a little rainbow in the horizon.