Monday, September 20, 2010

Missing Her But Doing Okay

I haven't posted much, because I haven't had much to say.  Frustration and jealousy about got the best of me last week. 

But, even amongst all the emotions, I'm doing okay.  It's been a couple of weeks since I have had a full-out snotty nose, sobbing, meltdown.  And though I fully expect it to come back and hit me any day, I'm learning to enjoy the time that I am feeling better.

Don't get me wrong...I still miss Bailey...horribly.  But, my life has found a little bit of a "normal", or maybe I'm just doing a really good job of preoccupying myself.  I guess spending hours in front of the t.v. watching House M.D. or NCIS does a good job of keeping me preoccupied.

And I FINALLY have started reading again!  Nothing serious.  In fact, I can't bring myself to read anymore books about loss.  I can read my BLM-sister's blogs, but I can't bring myself to read a book.  So, what have I occupied my time with?  The 16th book in the Stephanie Plum series, The Help, and I just finished book 1 of the Sookie Stackhouse series.  I however, still cannot bring myself to finish Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which is what I was reading before Bailey died.  I've read the entire Harry Potter series, but wanted to re-read it.  Since everything happened, I just can't do it.

I made a big leap and bound in progress today.  A friend from work, who was due 2 weeks after I was, brought her son in so I could meet him.  He was 8-9 weeks premature, and is still so tiny!  Desmond weighs more than he does!  I held him, and just spent the time enjoying him.  Even though it reminds me of what I should have, it's completely different.  I think mainly I was okay, because he is a boy.  I'm not ready to handle the thought of holding a girl.

I'm rambling...There's really no point to my post today, but I wanted to let everyone know who is out there, and perhaps wonders where I am, don't worry, I am here, and I am okay.  If you need me, I am always just an e-mail away...it might take me forever to respond (just ask Allison), but I am here.  I am thinking of you all and all of your little ones. 

Coming soon...the Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope monthly writing challenge.  I need to think on that one, but I hope to have it posted by the weekend.

12 comments:

Elaine said...

While I completely understand the need to de-internet I miss you!! Yours is one of my fav blogs to read, maybe because I love looking at Bailey's sweet photo! Glad you're reading again. I've thought about the Sookie books but since I watch the show I don't want to ruin the suspense.

Julie said...

glad to see you here. i've been like you - haven't posted a whole lot in the last couple weeks. for one thing, i'm busy, and most of the time the only thing i have to say on my blog is complaints and whines and why me's and i'm sick of it, so i'm trying to keep my mouth shut (most of the time). love you!

Angela said...

I've missed you! Thanks for checking in and letting us know you are doing okay.

When I was at the bookstore today I snagged the latest Janet Evanovich - first in a new series. I'll let you know if it's good. If you liked The Help try The Postmistress and Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society. And if I've already recommended these to you just ignore me.

Glad you are having fairly good days. Lots of love.

Lucid Anne said...

I missed you Danae. <3 :) xoxo

Drew's Parents said...

I am not one to talk about email responses! :) With the new job and new house, I have had a hard time keeping up! I am so glad that you are reading again...I saw your fb update about the vampire smut and had to smile...I am trying to get back into reading as well. My mom and I had started a book club at the beginning of the year, but everything stopped in May. I eventually read our June and July books, but I am just now getting to August.
As hard as it is, I am so happy that your new normal is starting to appear. Although it sucks that our new normals don't involve sleepless nights with our infant babies, we can find some comfort knowing that our angels will always be with us.
I am thinking about you! (And will finally be responding today or tomorrow!)

car said...

Glad to hear from you Danae. I've been watching lots of House too. We had the whole last season of House on our PVR and have been trying to watch them all since the new season started last night. We might get caught up by next week.
That was very brave of you to hold a baby with a due date anywhere close to Bailey's. (even if it was a boy)

. said...

I've missed you!

I also haven't started to read the book that I was reading when I found out that Jacob had died. It is sitting on the table at home. I've picked it up a few times, but I haven't read it. Maybe I want to keep something unfinished from when I was still pregnant. Maybe it is a way of hanging on to the happy time before he died and it is the unwillingness to end something that was begun then. Everything else has ended.

I'm so proud of you for holding that baby. You are so strong.

Lisette said...

((HUGS))

Jennifer said...

I love House and NCIS. Been watching some of their re-runs. Glad to hear from you. Don't worry we're still here, too, and thinking of you and Bailey. (((hugs)))

Violet1122 said...

I've been thinking of you often, and I'm glad to know that you are doing well overall.

Stephanie Plum - love those books!

((Big Hugs))

Elaine said...

check out my blog today, I chose you for the "One Lovely Blog Award"

Lucid Anne said...

I nominated you for an award on my blog! <3