I haven't posted much, because I haven't had much to say. Frustration and jealousy about got the best of me last week.
But, even amongst all the emotions, I'm doing okay. It's been a couple of weeks since I have had a full-out snotty nose, sobbing, meltdown. And though I fully expect it to come back and hit me any day, I'm learning to enjoy the time that I am feeling better.
Don't get me wrong...I still miss Bailey...horribly. But, my life has found a little bit of a "normal", or maybe I'm just doing a really good job of preoccupying myself. I guess spending hours in front of the t.v. watching House M.D. or NCIS does a good job of keeping me preoccupied.
And I FINALLY have started reading again! Nothing serious. In fact, I can't bring myself to read anymore books about loss. I can read my BLM-sister's blogs, but I can't bring myself to read a book. So, what have I occupied my time with? The 16th book in the Stephanie Plum series, The Help, and I just finished book 1 of the Sookie Stackhouse series. I however, still cannot bring myself to finish Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, which is what I was reading before Bailey died. I've read the entire Harry Potter series, but wanted to re-read it. Since everything happened, I just can't do it.
I made a big leap and bound in progress today. A friend from work, who was due 2 weeks after I was, brought her son in so I could meet him. He was 8-9 weeks premature, and is still so tiny! Desmond weighs more than he does! I held him, and just spent the time enjoying him. Even though it reminds me of what I should have, it's completely different. I think mainly I was okay, because he is a boy. I'm not ready to handle the thought of holding a girl.
I'm rambling...There's really no point to my post today, but I wanted to let everyone know who is out there, and perhaps wonders where I am, don't worry, I am here, and I am okay. If you need me, I am always just an e-mail away...it might take me forever to respond (just ask Allison), but I am here. I am thinking of you all and all of your little ones.
Coming soon...the Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope monthly writing challenge. I need to think on that one, but I hope to have it posted by the weekend.