Sunday, August 21, 2011

Call Us the Conversation Killers

Over the span of the first year after Bailey's death, we really did not get the "kids question" very much.  In fact, the first time I got the question was closer to the end of 2010.  Adam had gotten it once or twice, but not many.

Now, being VERY pregnant, we have gotten the question MANY times...and here's how the conversations go:

How much longer do you have?  Insert time here until September 15th...
Is this your first?  No, it's our second.
How old is your first?  She passed shortly after birth.
Oh my gosh...I'm so sorry.

Insert cricket noises here, because the conversation normally goes completely silent after that.  But, the fact of the matter is...this is our second baby.  But, I REFUSE to answer the question and tell people this is our first.  I feel like I am not doing Bailey justice if I say that Cameron is our first.

Today, the conversation with a woman who was showing us where something was in Best Buy went exactly the way I just listed it.  After she walked off, I looked at Adam and said "Wow, are we conversation killers, or what?".  We both laughed...yes, morbid sense of humor there, but what else can you do?  We looked at what we needed to look at, and then we moved on.  We checked out (Adam bought Portal 2) and headed outside.  We carried on with the conversation about how we have really killed some conversations with innocent, unknowing strangers, who asked what "should be" a simple question.

But, it's not a simple question.  And it definitely doesn't have a simple answer.  But, let me tell you, that's the quickest way to cease a conversation.

And I bet we continue to get the question after Miss Cameron arrives and comes home (hopefully).  And the answer will remain the same.  Forever and always.

**Sweet baby girl, mommy and daddy will never leave you out of our kid count.  You are our sweet forever baby, and you will always count.**

7 comments:

Jessica said...

I kill conversations on a regular basis and I will continue to do so because like you said it is not fair to my other children. Riley and Peyton are my first two babies and they always will be! I get the "OH you don't have children YET?" in shock and then I tell them of my bad 6 months last year and two losses and then they probably feel like an A** and they should! ;)

Requetta said...

I am also a conversation killer. However, Tyler is one of my children and I will not leave him out. If they don't understand then that is their loss!!

Elaine said...

lol, it's so true. I could clear a room. I actually have a clerk at the grocery store who doesn't even say hi to me anymore because I dropped the dead baby bomb on her and I guess she feels too awkward now.

fireworksandrainbows said...

Well add me to the list of conversation killers as well...my husband calls it the answer heard around the world. He equates it with slapping someone in the face.

I don't disagree, but how am I supposed to answer that question without denying him?

Take care.

xoxo

Rhiannon said...

Count us in, too. I refuse to leave Harper out because it makes others uncomfortable. I really don't care if it's awkward, she was my first and I will never deny her. I actually dread the pregnancy small talk b/c it inevitably comes up and I know it is going to make the person asking feel bad but I would rather make someone feel awkward for a bit than walk away feeling like I let my girl down.

Sept 15th is right around the corner...so close!! Thinking of you and you sweet babies!! <3

Drew's Parents said...

I, too, am a conversation killer and a blissful pregnancy comment destroyer. :-) I would get so frustrated with naively positive comments even though I knew they were coming from a good place. I think you are 110% in the right for including Bailey. She is and always will be your daughter who passed away too soon. Cameron has a beautiful sister in Heaven, and one day she will learn all about her. I am so so so excited for you! Less than a month now...I am counting down the days and am saying prayers like crazy! Big supportive hugs! <3 <3 <3

In My Heart said...

18 Years later I still and always will include Chelsea.
I have 2 girls ... one who walks beside me here on earth and who waits for me in Heaven.