Two Weeks!

Has it really been 2 weeks already?  (Actually, today, it's been 2 weeks and 1 day).  They say that time flies, but this is going a little fast!  People say the first 2 weeks are the hardest.  I think the first week was the hardest for us, and then we started adjusting.  This week has been no piece of cake with all the gas and pooping issues, but at least my hormones are starting to balance out, and I haven't bawled at every drop of a hat.

Cameron had a big week this week!  She got to meet her great-grandparents on Adam's side of the family, she met the Dr. who helped get her started, she went with mommy to her post-op appointment, and she had her 2 week appointment! 

We went for Cameron's 2 week appointment yesterday, and she is a growing girl!  She is weighing in at 8 lbs 15 oz (75th percentile) which means she is back up and has passed her birth weight (by 1 oz).  She has grown 1 & 1/4 inches since she was born also and is in the 77th percentile!  Her head measurements are actually smaller than when she was born, but she is in the 92nd percentile.  Our little girl is growing and we are pleased!

Since the "To Poop or Not to Poop" post, Cameron has gone from having constipation or struggling to go poop most days to yesterday having multiple dirty diapers in one day.  It seemed like every time she passed gas, there was something to go with it.  Today, it seems to be back to the not going to poop.  The Dr. wasn't concerned at this point and said that she just needs to train her little body how to go to the bathroom.  She said that it seems like her muscles haven't quite figured eveyrthing out, but she is getting there!  We did switch her formula to Enfamil Gentlease in hopes that it will help with the gas and pooping issues.  That stuff smells awful and she doesn't particularly care for the taste (that we can tell).

Over the past week, we have figured out a sleep schedule that works for us, but will probably disappear when Adam goes back to work in a week.  But, for now, it's working.  I'm hoping Cameron will start sleeping a little more at night and not wake every 2 1/2 to 3 hours to feed when Adam does go back to work, but we will continue going on her needs.

We have moved our bedroom completely into the living room for the time being.  I expect that within the next week or so, we will move it back and try to start transitioning her to the crib.  Gotta use that expensive piece of bedroom furniture that has been hanging out in there for over a year!

Overall, a descent week!  Here are some photos from this week...

Chillaxing in the bassinet!

Went to see the great-grandparents - 9/24/2011

Went to mommy's post-op appointment - 9/28/2011

With all the pooping issues...diaper changes are NOT fun!

Desmond wants to know why she's screaming...

Daddy made fun of the bottom lip being stuck out when sleeping on her belly for a little nap.

I'm awake and I'm smiling!

To Poop or Not to Poop?

To poop or not to poop?  That is the question.  That's right folks...you getting a pooping post.  Aren't you excited?

That's been the summary of my week so far.  Cameron is having issues going to poop.  Sunday we had to call the pediatrician's office because it had been about 30 hours since she had last pooped and no one got any sleep in our house on Saturday night because of how miserable the poor child was.  The nurse on call told us to give her a glycerin suppository.  So, off to the store Adam went and we gave her a suppository and it worked instantly!  She felt so much better and we had a really good night on Sunday night.

Monday, she was on the verge of another 24 hours, had horrible gas, and kept trying to push, but nothing was coming out.  Made us start wondering if we need to switch formula.  Adam called the pedi's office again.  Told them about Sunday, and when he mentioned the suppository, the response he received was "We don't condone that".  Excuse me?  Then we do you have someone telling people to do it?!  Neither of us are very happy right now.  And then they proceeded to tell him that they aren't concerned about a baby not pooping until it's been 3-5 days.  THREE to FIVE DAYS?  Are you kidding me?  I'm miserable by day 2 if I haven't pooped, what about my baby who can't tell me that she is miserable, and all she does is cry because it hurts so bad?!  So, basically, everyone has to be miserable before they will do anything about it?  NOT happy.

Cameron finally pooped again at midnight after 33 hours of nothing.  She SCREAMED from 9:30 to midnight, and then finally did her duty and was a happy baby again!  Slept like a freaking rock star.

We decided to take a field trip yesterday and went to see Dr. Reshef (my RE) and his nurse, stopped by one of the branches for the bank I work for, and then proceeded to go to Adam's work.  When we got to the hospital to see Dr. Reshef and Beverly, we knew it was diaper time and feeding time.  So we went in, and when we picked her up out of the car seat/stroller combo, we heard the world's largest fart ever.  Even someone who was sitting a good ways away from us heard it and he started laughing. 

I took her into the women's room and OMG...it was not just gas...it was the most explosive bout of diarrhea...Poor girl!  Then she was STILL going!  So I was trying not to make a HUGE mess, but in the process of her straining, she started with the most forceful peeing attack I have seen and made a mess with her pee!  So, here I am, handling this ALL on my own, trying to block the still going poop, clean up the projectile pee before it gets all over her clothes, and not make a huge mess.  It was pretty comedic. 

Today, after 24 hours, she finally had another BM and seems to feel a little bit better, but last night was another rough night.  About halfway through the night, it go better, but she still was noticeably miserable.  The gas is still outrageous and we have to figure out how to help that (Little Tummys is not working for her and she is still too young for Gripe Water)...but, hopefully tonight will be a little bit better.

What have you tried to help your LO go poop or handle the gas?

Next post will have pictures.  I have to download them off of my phone and camera before I can post!

Hospital Pictures

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you probably have already seen these, because I linked them when we received notice that they had been posted.  But, I promised to post them here too, so here they are!

These are the pictures that were done at the hospital!  I think they were done on September 17th.  Enjoy the photo-bomb!

One Week!

It's been one week since Miss Cameron came out to meet this world!  And she has been loved on every bit of it!

We got to come home (all 3 of us!) on Sunday, Sept. 18th.  Cameron had lost 7% of her body weight (she was down from 8 lbs 14 oz @ birth to 8 lbs 3 oz when we left) and had a jaundice rating of 11.3.  The pediatrician said at her age, she wouldn't do any treatment for jaundice unless the level was above 20, and we were well away from that.  Due to her weight loss and the jaundice, we did have to go in on Tuesday for her first weight check at the Dr.'s office.  More to come on that.

We got home on Sunday and wasn't quite sure what we were going to do.  Desmond wanted to check out what the new thing was that we brought home.  Fortunately he doesn't think she is his own personal chew toy! 

Gotta check this out...whatcha got for me?

We were already both tired, and had NO clue how we were going to split the night shift.  Adam doesn't do well at waking up in the middle of the night (really, I don't either...), so we tried him taking the 8:00 and 11:00 feedings and I would get up and take the 2:00 and 5:00 feedings.  However, I was up for both of his feedings and he snored through both of mine.  I was exhausted come Monday morning.

Adam's parents came and helped me out on Monday while Adam went and ran errands.  That helped allow me to get some rest, but also helped me figure out that I can NOT take the Percocet anymore.  It makes me so drowsy that even taking one pill that I am miserable.

Tuesday, we went out for our first outting.  We had to go to the pediatrician's office for Cameron's weight/jaundice check.  So, we left a little bit earlier, and went to Braum's to see Adam's morning ladies.  They just loved her (but, who wouldn't?)!

Cameron's appointment went well considering.  Her jaundice levels were down from 11.3 to 8.4, but her weight was down too.  She was down to 8 lbs 1.5 oz, which is still within the 10% she is allowed to lose.  I think she has started gaining weight, but until our appointment on the 29th, we are set to strict every 3 hours feedings.  Once she is back to gaining weight like she needs to, then we will be allowed to let her eat when she wants.

The nights have been rough, but we have figured it out a little bit.  Adam is taking the earlier feedings, and I'm still taking the late night/early morning feedings, I have been waking him up if I need help.  Last night was actually a smooth night for us.  We moved our bed into the living room (until we can all get adjusted) and I went to bed a little bit earlier than normal.  I still woke up when Adam needed to feed, but when it was my turn, Cameron ate, burped, and then went right back to sleep, and then would sleep until her next feeding.  So, mommy actually got some sleep!  I'm still pretty tired today, but I didn't feel like I had been hit by a semi this morning when I got up.

All in all, we have had a pretty successful first week!  I've heard the first 2 weeks are the hardest, and we are 1/2 through that!  I'm still slightly sore in places from the c-section, and I've had a couple of massive meltdowns (gotta love hormones!) and trying to get my milk to dry up is painful, but it's going pretty well!

Here are a couple more pictures from this week.  I really need to get better about taking pictures...This time is going to fly by oh too fast!

I actually stayed awake long enough for mommy to take a picture with my eyes open!

Tummy Time!!  9/22/2011

Close up of tummy time

One week old!  9/22/2011

She's Ours!

I still sit in amazement today that Cameron is here...safe, sound, healthy, and alive!  I keep expecting something bad to happen or someone to wake me up from this dream.

I just look at her, completely and totally fascinated with her, and then I just think to myself..."She's Ours!  She's really ours!"  We get to take her home, love on her, and watch her grow up.  And then there is always that part of me that gets sad, because Bailey is ours, but we don't get to do those things with her.

We survived our first night with Cameron in our room.  I was so tired today though that we sent her to the nursery here at the hospital just so I could get a little bit of sleep.  Between the exhaustion and the percocet, I was struggling to stay awake.

Cameron did pass her hearing test today after failing it yesterday, so she is good there!  We also had her pictures taken here at the hospital and ordered some of those.  I will be posting those once I get the information from a CD they will send with it (including copyright rights).  There were some really cute ones and I can't wait to share them!

Here are a few pictures from today...I laugh because Cameron works and works to bust her arms free when she is swaddled, and then once she gets them free....she gets mad because they get cold!  It's too cute!

This was after she got one arm free, but before she got mad because it got cold!

We think she is "Cute as a Button".  This onesie is actually one we had bought for Bailey.

Picture time with daddy!

Introducing.....

Introducing with great pride is our sweet rainbow baby, Cameron Bailey Southerland!

Cameron was scheduled to arrive on September 15, 2011 via repeat c-section, and everything went according to plan!  We arrived at the hospital yesterday morning at 7:00 a.m. and was taken back to surgery at 9:15 a.m.  Cameron came out screaming and crying at 9:45!  I was so relieved to hear her crying and screaming that I cried too!

Cameron weighed 8 pounds 14 ounces and that's having arrived at 37 weeks!  She is 19.5 inches long and she has a head FULL of black hair!

The only blip that came up during the c-section is that I was hurting a lot while still being operated on and they ended up giving me something that knocked me out for the rest of the procedure.  Fortunately, she was already out, and I had already gotten to see her before they did that.  I was very drowsy for most of the day yesterday, but after it finally wore off, I felt pretty good.

She is such a good girl and we are so proud and so incredibly thankful for this sweet girl!  She is eating great (I chose not to breastfeed with her...own personal decision), but everything is going well!  I know Bailey is watching over her and is so proud of her little sister.

Here are a couple of pictures from yesterday and today!  Happy viewing!

First picture taken by mommy - 9/15/11

Our first family picture - 9/15/11

Daddy's favorite onesie - 9/16/11

I'm a happy baby! - 9/16/11

Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers as we gone down this very long journey to get to this point.  We appreciate it all!  

24 Hours!

It's 7:50 a.m. Oklahoma time right now.  By tomorrow, this time, we will be checked into the hospital and should be 1 hour and 10 minutes away from c-section time....which means we are that much closer to meeting our Cameron!

Yesterday was my last day of work...for 12 weeks!  It's hard to think that I hopefully won't be going back to work until December 8th.  Crazy! 

Today, we have tons of things that need to be done.  I've almost finished up the laundry.  We have to run the dishwasher tonight.  I have a hair appointment at noon, my LAST prenatal Dr.'s appointment this afternoon, and then it's heading to Elmore to take Desmond to mamaw's because she is going to doggy sit for us while we are in the hospital (hopefully we get to come home Saturday).  I want to go by the cemetery this evening and make sure all of Bailey's flowers look good and trim down the stems and actually get them in the vases.  And then, before I am not allowed to eat or drink after midnight, it's going to be Mexican food for dinner!  Because tomorrow, it's the land of broth, jello, and juice...gag.

I will try to post sometime tomorrow evening about our adventures in repeat c-section and how Cameron is doing, but I make no promises.

If you happen to think about us, please just say a little prayer that everything goes smoothly and everyone does well tomorrow.

Where Were You?

There are two dates in history when tragic events occurred in American history that I will forever remember where I was.

The first:  April 19, 1995 - The bombing of Alfred P. Murrah building in Oklahoma City.  I am a native Oklahoman.  I was born and raised here.  I still live here.  My husband works in downtown OKC now.  And on that morning, I was sitting in Mrs. Johnson's 6th grade class, when a classmate came in and said "There was a building bombed in Oklahoma City".  No one knew what was going on, but as we started getting more information, we watched the news.  At home, I watched the horror and devastation on the news.  I remember the picture of the fireman holding the baby that he had brought out of the rubble.  I remember our 6th grade classes learning to sign "From a Distance" by Bette Midler.  I remember when they imploded the rest of the building...I watched it live on National t.v.  I remember it all.

I also remember thinking during that time, I hoped that event would be the worst I would see in my lifetime.  I hoped and prayed for no other devastating, tragic, and horrendous act to happen.  If only.

The second:  September 11, 2001.  I was freshman at the University of Oklahoma.  I remember listening to KJ103 when driving in to park on the South Oval and heard that a plane had struck a building in New York City.  At that time, there were no details on what building, what kind of plane, nothing.  I remember thinking that it must have been an accident...a pilot fell asleep...an engine failure.  I got to campus, parked my car, and headed into my Gateway class.  Gateway was that class for incoming freshman to take to help them transition from high school to college...they especially recommended it if you came from a high school as small as mine.  I remember sitting there, waiting for class to start, when Lauren Shoush came in and told us what they were reporting.  Do I remember anyone else's name in that class?  Nope.  But, I remember Lauren's, because I remember that day.  I watched the news in the Union that showed the Twin Towers falling.  I watched as they talked about the plane that went down in Pennsylvania...I watched all day as I waited for my only other class that afternoon.  But, even as I got to that class, I found it was cancelled due to the awful events of that day.

So many lives lost.  So many more since then as our country fights this war on terror.  So many broken hearts, families who are hurting, families who are forever changed because of these events.

Today, and everyday, I remember those who lost their lives on that September morning.  I also remember those who have given their lives serving our country.  I hold those who are still serving close to my heart and keep them in my prayers.

What events do you remember exactly where you were when they occurred?

High Risk Grad!

Today, at 35w5d, I am a High Risk Graduate!  What do I mean?  I had my last appointment with my high risk Dr. and we have been released until the next time we decide to do this dance again (and God willing, as long as all goes well this time...it won't be for a while!).

Cameron was a good girl today and showed off her ability to practice breathing and even gave them some good motions to see.  We verified, yet again, that she is a little girl!  Adam also asked about hair, and you could see lots of hair on her ultrasound!

She is still measuring about 2 1/2 weeks ahead, which means at almost 36 weeks, she is measuring almost 39...and she's weighing in (according to measurements from the ultrasound) at 7 pounds 14 ounces!  That's more than her mommy weighed but no where near where chunky daddy weighed!  :)  If she gains another 1/2 a pound between now and next Thursday, then she should be well into the 8 pound range.  My regular Dr. has always said that ultrasounds in the 3rd trimester can go 1 pound either way because it's so hard, but based on how big I am measuring, she wouldn't doubt that ours is going to go towards the +1 pound as opposed to the -1 pound.  She's going to be our chunky little girl when she comes out!  :)

I'm getting excited, but I'm still so scared and anxious.  Every pain I question still...every lazy moment I worry...but, I am allowing myself to get excited.  But, there are days I still find it hard.

I have come to the conclusion that I suck at being pregnant though.  I am whiny, a complainer, and the worrying doesn't help.  So, I deem myself as a horrible pregnant person.  I am just as bad as every other naive pregnant person, who at this point is so fat and miserable that they are done.  I am so entirely grateful for getting this far, but I'm to the point where I just want the end result.

I want her here.  I want her safe.  I want her healthy.  I want her alive.

I don't ask for much. 

Sixteen/Sixteen

Sixteen...two different ways this word hits home today.

Sixteen months since we said goodbye to our precious Bailey.

Sixteen days til we say hello (hopefully) to our rainbow baby Cameron.

I've never been one to figure out when numbers or paths would cross.  But, it hit me yesterday with this one on the way home.  I wasn't even really thinking about it (not in the fore front anyways), but apparently something in my subconscious was thinking about it.

It's amazing...16 months have seem like they have flown by...I can't believe it's been 16 months since our precious little girl grew her wings.  But, yet it's amazing that the next 16 days are probably going to draaaag by before we can meet our beautiful rainbow.

Time is an interesting thing.

21 days to go!

34 weeks today!  Hooray!  It's been an eventful week and I'm exhausted.  Where do I begin?  Okay, okay...let's start with the picture of the belly...Cameron is hanging out most definitely!

Okay - now that I have that taken care of...let's talk about my week...It's been a long one.  Let's start with last Friday and work from there...

Friday - Got put on antibiotics because my Dr.'s office thought I might have an infection.  Turns out, I don't, so now I get to take 7 days worth of antibiotics.  Tomorrow morning is my last 2 pills!

This weekend was rather normal.  We went to Babies R Us and bought some of the remaining items we needed.  Sunday we met a couple of friends that we haven't seen in a while and had lunch.  It was great to catch up with them.  Sunday evening, Adam had a business meeting for a side job, so we went to that.  And then, here comes Monday...

Monday morning - I got to work and didn't feel well.  I felt off and I was having pain, so we made the trip to L&D.  We had a nurse that for a lack of a better term was really just kind of a bitch.  I was NOT impressed.  This nurse made the nurse that put us through the ringer for our NST seem like a saint (which by the way...after talking to my Dr., we found out that the NST nurse is just VERY thorough).  So, Nurse B (her name really did start with a B, but you can insert the other word if you prefer) asked questions, but didn't ask the right questions...

Number of pregnancies?  4
Number of births?  This will be our second
Your having pain?  Yes, all in the front.
Is it normal pregnancy pain?  I wouldn't know...I've never been this far.  (The more sarcastic side of me wanted to say "If I knew it was normal, do you think I would be here?!).
What else are you here for?  I don't feel well...I feel off.
Off.  Hmph.

I was done with her at that point.  She had that crappy, insincere smile on her face, and that made me mad too.  Dr. W (who was on duty and is also the same Dr. that delivered Bailey) ordered a BPP and measurement scan.  It took the u/s tech FOREVER!  Honestly, I think I fell asleep while waiting on her.  The screen on the machine was horrible, and we couldn't see anything.  Tech at the hospital got Cameron measuring right on track...that concerned me, because our MFM has had her measuring ahead by 2 weeks for our last 3 appointments.  Dr. L (my Dr.) told us to go by what the MFM's office has said, because the machines at the hospital are terrible.

Cameron was a lazy baby during her BPP, so she didn't not get points for making big movements.  I still didn't feel well, so Dr. W came in and said that I might possibly be dehydrated, so they were going to stick me on some IV fluids...took them 3 tries...I LOVE my veins.  :P  We stayed to be monitored all afternoon and to get more fluids in me.  Fortunately, we were moved out Triage and given a different nurse...because if I would have stayed, I probably would have been exceptionally hateful to Nurse B.

I felt better when we left but was exhausted.  And I wasn't allowed to go back to work until I saw Dr. L on Wednesday afternoon. 

Dr. L let me go back to work starting today, so I am back to work and everything is somewhat normal.

We did however pack our bags for the hospital!  I'm glad to have it done, and it's all ready to go should we need to leave immediately.

By this time, in 3 weeks, we will hopefully be holding a healthy, living, breathing baby...and I'm excited, anxious, and nervous all wrapped up in one!

Call Us the Conversation Killers

Over the span of the first year after Bailey's death, we really did not get the "kids question" very much.  In fact, the first time I got the question was closer to the end of 2010.  Adam had gotten it once or twice, but not many.

Now, being VERY pregnant, we have gotten the question MANY times...and here's how the conversations go:

How much longer do you have?  Insert time here until September 15th...
Is this your first?  No, it's our second.
How old is your first?  She passed shortly after birth.
Oh my gosh...I'm so sorry.

Insert cricket noises here, because the conversation normally goes completely silent after that.  But, the fact of the matter is...this is our second baby.  But, I REFUSE to answer the question and tell people this is our first.  I feel like I am not doing Bailey justice if I say that Cameron is our first.

Today, the conversation with a woman who was showing us where something was in Best Buy went exactly the way I just listed it.  After she walked off, I looked at Adam and said "Wow, are we conversation killers, or what?".  We both laughed...yes, morbid sense of humor there, but what else can you do?  We looked at what we needed to look at, and then we moved on.  We checked out (Adam bought Portal 2) and headed outside.  We carried on with the conversation about how we have really killed some conversations with innocent, unknowing strangers, who asked what "should be" a simple question.

But, it's not a simple question.  And it definitely doesn't have a simple answer.  But, let me tell you, that's the quickest way to cease a conversation.

And I bet we continue to get the question after Miss Cameron arrives and comes home (hopefully).  And the answer will remain the same.  Forever and always.

**Sweet baby girl, mommy and daddy will never leave you out of our kid count.  You are our sweet forever baby, and you will always count.**

Bailey's Memorial Stone

Last week, Bailey's memorial was placed.  We started the process in April, but had some decisions to make, and then went back and finally started putting the pencil to the paper. 

The woman who worked with us on the headstone was so kind.  She was always willing to meet us on Saturdays (when they are normally closed), so it would be convenient for us, and so we wouldn't have to take more time off work.  Even when Adam was the one who was doing majority of the traveling and making decisions (we designed it together and then there were just a few minor things he had to do), she always asked how Cameron and I were doing. 

After a couple of months, lots of decisions...here is the final product.  We couldn't be more pleased with how it turned out.  It is perfect for our sweet Bailey and is the perfect memorial for her final resting place. 

Her memorial has her birthdate/DOD with the time she was born and the time she died. The footprints is an image of her actual footprints, and the saying at the bottom says "An hour in this world...forever in our hearts". This phrase we have engraved on picture frames that were given to both sets of grandparents and I have it engraved on a frame I keep in my office.


Sorry for the rather terrible picture...the sun was setting and made it hard to get a decent one.  We hope to be down that way again soon and in the morning so we can get better pictures.

32 Weeks!

This post is only a couple of days late...I meant to write it on Thursday when I actually hit 32 weeks, but I find of forgot...Oops!

I have to admit...31 weeks made me nervous.  I know too many people who have had their babies at 31 weeks, and even though all babies are doing wonderfully, I just didn't want to join that group!  So to be past the 31 week range, helped me breathe a little sigh of relief.

Since making it to 32 weeks, what have we gotten accomplished?  I have gotten both of the steroid shots, which were planned, just in case I do happen to have Miss Cameron earlier than the planned 37 week delivery.  Honestly, I have heard many people say how much those shots hurt...I thought they were both a piece of cake.  My weekly P17 shot hurts more on most weeks than those did. 

We hung up Cameron's letters in her room.  This is a HUGE step for us.  We have now personalized her room to the point where it.is.hers.  The nursery started out as being planned as the nursery.  When we were pregnant with Bailey, it was going to be Bailey's room, but we never got a chance to personalize it.  There were a few clothes we had bought for her, but nothing with her name on it.  Then after she died, it because "the nursery" again. 

Now, there are letters hanging on a wall in there that specifically say Cameron!  It is HER room.  My dear BLM and friend, Jessica Malloy at Crafty Creations handpainted Miss Cameron's letters for us, and they look wonderful!  She is so creative and I recommend her to anyone!

Close(r) up picture of the letters on the wall

Picture with the other decorations I got at one of my showers

I have finished Cameron's blanket I have been knitting for her.  Adam chose the color, so it's purple of course, but I think it looks very nice!  I am very excited to have it finished, because I think it's a blanket I would like to take to the hospital to use as the backdrop for her hospital pictures.  Now I just need to choose her picture outfit!

Closer up picture and the blanket is folded in quarters

Blanket is laid out on the couch...excuse my feet at the bottom.  :)

Since finishing Cameron's blanket, I have started working on Adam's blanket that I bought the material for in 2008.  It's John Deere...and honestly, I haven't been to excited to work on it...lol

And finally, pictures from this week of the ever growing belly!

She's in there and she's growing!

My view!

We are getting closer, but we aren't out of the woods until she is here, safe and sound, alive and breathing, and being loved on by all the people who have anticipated her arrival for so long.

I Feel Like a Burden

I've said it before and I'll say it again...pregnancy after loss is HARD.  I feel like such a burden.  We are being seen by 2 Dr.'s, being seen by my regular Dr. once a week (and have been since week 10), having NSTs done twice a week, and I still am in constant worry.

Today, we went to have our NST done at noon.  By noon, Cameron hadn't moved much, but she passed her NST with no problem.  But, it seems like none of the nurses understand why we are already having NSTs and really why.  But all are sympathetic when they hear about Bailey.

We went through the rest of the day, and as I am sitting on the couch writing thank you notes to all the wonderful people who have given us gifts for Miss Cameron, I started thinking that really I haven't felt Cameron very much all day.

So, I called the nurses line because since I had the NST earlier, I didn't know if they wanted me to go back in or not to be monitored.  She patched me through to my Dr. and she said if we are worried then to go ahead and go in.  I felt awful, because she was talking to her child and telling him/her that it was time to go to bed. 

After I got off the phone with her, I just lost it.  Because honestly, no matter how much I can picture bringing Cameron home, I cannot stop worrying that something horrible is going to happen in the next 6 weeks.  I imagine the worst still.  And I think at times:  I've had a 1st trimester and 2nd trimester loss...am I going to have a 3rd trimester loss too?  And then I sit there and think about why I am tormenting myself asking things that I have no control over.  But, the imagination runs.  But, I told Adam I hate feeling like I am such a burden to everyone.  I can imagine the nurses all running away when they hear my name up on second floor triage.  And I do...I feel like a burden.

We got to the hospital and Cameron started moving around some, so we came home.  We'll see what tomorrow hold for us, and see if she is more awake.

Does the constant worry ever go away?

29w4d MFM Appointment

Today we went for our MFM appointment.  Cameron was super bouncy and would not sit still and it was so funny!  Our u/s tech was really nice (which they all have been nice, but some are just more "to the point" than others) but was a little rough with the ultrasound wand at times.  She gave us lots of pictures and then even burned them onto a CD for us!

Cameron is still measuring ahead (they didn't tell us how much this time, but I think it's still close to 2 weeks based on what I was gathering when I was watching them take measurements) and she is weighing in at 3 lbs 15 oz! 

She tried to hide behind the placenta again when they were doing 4D pictures (like she always does), but they still got a couple of good ones!

I got tickled at times because the u/s tech would move the wand and dig into my belly and as soon as she would move it away, Cameron would kick back.  It was almost like "you poke me, I'll poke you!".  It was amusing. 

Dr. M. thinks everything looks great and he is very pleased with how everything is going.  I see him again in 3 weeks for another cervical check (which was about 3cm today, no shortening or anything) and then one more time after that for a final growth check, and then we are released from his care!  His parting words as he finished up his part of checking was "You better get to decorating, because she's sticking around!".  I really hope he's right. 

I picked up my LAST vial of P17 shots today (5 shots left to go!).  I reflected on the fact that we are 7w2d (plus a few hours) away from meeting this little girl.  I am so excited and so nervous at the same time!  This weekend is my first baby shower and I just marvel at the fact that we have actually gotten far enough to have a baby shower this time!  At times I am afraid someone is going to pinch me and wake me up and tell me it is all just a dream.

I leave you with a few photos from our u/s today...

A nice profile shot

Feet crossed and relaxing...

And my favorite from today - the 4D of her face...it looks like she was smiling at us!

29 weeks and first NST

Had our regular weekly Dr.'s appointment yesterday afternoon, and they asked about Cameron and movement.  Honestly, there are some days that my little girl is just rather lazy.  I think she takes after her daddy (hence my last post about our trip to L&D last week). 

My Dr. recommended we start bi-weekly NSTs (non-stress tests) until we can get in to start doing weekly BPPs (biophysical profiles).  The BPPs we can do in her office, but the NSTs we have to do at L&D.  So, we went yesterday after my appointment for my first one. 

We got there and got checked in, and the nurse came to get us and she asked what we were there for and I told her jokingly "because I have a lazy child".  Apparently she wasn't a joker.  She goes "So, what?  Decreased fetal movement?".  I explained to her we had that last week, and since she isn't a big mover some days my Dr. wants to start these.  Why does she care?  Do it because my Dr.'s office sent over the freaking orders lady!

The nurse was not very friendly (mind you, I've been at that hospital MANY times over the course of the last 2 pregnancies (more times this time than last time) and everyone is normally really nice, so this kind of perturbed me.  She got me hooked up, made me turn in a funny position in the chair because Cameron was not cooperating (shocker!) and then started asking me 20 questions.  See conversation below...Nurses questions/comments are in bold.  My answers are not.

How many pregnancies have you had?  4
How many living children do you have?  None
What medications are you on?  Prenatal, extra folic acid, colace...oh and I just had my weekly progesterone shot!
Do you drink?  No
Do you smoke?  No
Do you do recreational drugs?  No
Wait a minute.....it says here that you had a previous c-section?  Yes, at 23 weeks.
But you said you have no living children?  Right
So?.....She didn't survive.
Oh my...I'm so sorry.

And magically, she was nicer to me!  What's sad is that it took her finding out I have a baby who died for her to be nicer to me.  What about the people who come in who have surviving children?  Do they still get the harsh, meanie treatment?

Adam said I was too hard on her.  I explained to him that I don't expect everyone to be nice to me all the time.  And I understand that not everyone on this planet knows my story.  BUT, she is a freaking nurse in LABOR & DELIVERY and needs to have a little bit nicer bed-side manner.  I expect that kind of treatment in the ER...not in L&D.  Pregnancy is scary even if you haven't been through everything we have, but it should NOT take someone finding out about a dead baby for them to be nice to their patient?

Am I over-reacting?

On another note, TODAY marks 29 weeks!  I'm pretty excited about that, because that means this is our last week in the 20's and we are only 8 weeks away from meeting Cameron!  So, you hear that little girl?  You only have 8 more weeks, and I don't expect to see you until then!  We are a week and a couple of days out from our family and non-work friends baby-shower and 2 weeks and 1 day out from my work baby-shower.  And I am actually starting to get excited about them both!  I never imagined us getting to this point, but we are really here now!

Lazy, Stubborn, or Just Her Daddy's Little Girl?

I know some of you who are out in blog land and who actually read this, are wondering after my last post if Cameron woke up and started jigging, or did we end up going to L&D?

Well, we went ahead and went.  I get off of the elevators to walk into 2nd floor Triage, and a woman I work with was there waiting for her niece to have her baby.  Her immediate question was "WHAT are you doing here?".  I told her Cameron hadn't been very active so we were going to get hooked up to the monitors. 

As we waited on the Triage nurse to come and get us, I felt a singular thump.  Now, keep in mind, I was not worried about her being gone, I was just worried that she was stressed.  There is a difference.

The nurse came and got us and hooked me up to the monitors...that did the trick...Cameron is NOT a fan of being hooked up, and within minutes was kicking around.  We were monitored for about 30 minutes and they never saw that she was under duress, and her heartrate stayed consistently in the 130-140's, so we were released to go home.

She nudged a few more time last night before I headed off to bed.  She woke me up in the middle of the night with a couple of nudges (I was also in the process of waking up to go pee and to let Desmond out to go pee because he was whining), and she has already nudged me a couple of times this morning.

So, after our trip to L&D yesterday, I was trying to figure out if she was just being lazy, being stubborn, or just being her Daddy's girl and being laid back and not giving a rat's behind about whether she was making mommy nervous!

I am glad she is well and still hanging out firmly inside me.  We have 8w6d or even 2 months from today (September 15th is the goal date) til we meet this sweet girl...I am so excited and nervous all at the same time, and I can't wait!  It seems like just yesterday I was at 8w6d and was thinking that September/October was REALLY far way!

Third Trimester! 28 weeks!

We are here!  28 weeks!  FINALLY!  I am thrilled to be in the 3rd trimester.  But as I sit here writing this post, I worry because Cameron has not been very active today.  If she doesn't start moving in the next 15 minutes or so, I think we are going to make a little trip to L&D so she can be monitored for a little while.  I just want to make sure she isn't under duress.  If we go, that will be another post later.

We went for our appointment with the MFM on Monday, and they estimate our little girl to be almost 2 weeks ahead of schedule measurement wise, and she is weighing in at just a little over 3 pounds!  Dr. M would rather her be big than small. 

I probably have more to say, but I'm having problems thinking right now.  So, I just leave you with a picture of me and little girl at 28 weeks!  It's not a great picture because Adam is awful with the camera...or at least I'm just going to blame it on him.  :)

My Theory

I got my results today for my 3 hour glucose test that I took yesterday, and based on my results, it goes with a theory I have.  Today, I told someone that I had no doubt that I passed my 3 hour test, because they were able to draw my blood each time on the first shot.

I know you are probably wondering what I mean by that, and I will explain.

My theory is that if they don't get my blood on the first attempt, then I usually have bad results.  Here's why:

Pregnancy #1:  January 2008 - After getting a +HPT, I went in for my blood draw.  It took them multiple attempts.  I went in for my 2nd blood draw and again it took them multiple attempts.  The person who took my blood the first day remembered me the 2nd day based on the fact that I am a hard draw.  After draw #2, I started spotting, and miscarried the next day.

Pregnancy #2:  June 2008 - After waiting a week to call my Dr.'s office after getting a +HPT, I went in for my first blood draw.  Again, 2 sticks.  Went back for my 2nd blood draw and the person taking my blood actually came out to get me and said "I drew the short straw".  She said it as a joke, because everyone in the office remembered how hard it was to get blood out of me.  My results from the 2nd draw?  My levels were not increasing appropriately.  Ultimately, again, just like the first, I miscarried.

Pregnancy #3:  December 2009 - Every time I got my blood drawn, they got me first try.  Based on that, I felt better about the pregnancy from the get go.  And everything progressed exactly as it should.  Things went great until at 23 weeks, my cervix gave out, and into this world came Bailey...17 weeks too soon.

Pregnancy #4:  January 2011 - All blood draws for HCG levels were gotten on the first try.  Again, I felt good.  All routine blood draws so far this pregnancy have been gotten on the first try...EXCEPT for the glucose test...and it took 2 tries and resulted in 2 bruises that I still have over a week later.  And what happened on the 2 stick occurrence?  I failed my glucose test!  I should have known that result was coming!

But, going into the Dr. today, I felt good about the result she would give me, because I knew it was going to be good results...because the woman drawing my blood yesterday was able to stick me 4 times in the same vein and she got blood from me all 4 times.  And at my Dr.'s appointment today, my Dr. told me my glucose levels are in the normal range!  Hooray!

Everything else is cruising along at status quo.  Cameron's heartrate was 145 today, just where it normally is.  She's been active and bouncing around tonight.  My cervix is high, thick, and closed, and hopefully my fetal fibronectin comes back negative from today.

Tomorrow marks 27 weeks!  One month longer than we made it with Bailey, and 10 weeks away from meeting Cameron.  My baby showers are in the process of being planned and dates have been set.  I feel good and I am hopeful that we will make it to our 37 week delivery date on September 15th!