Sunday, August 15, 2010

It's Everywhere

It's everywhere.  Pregnancy, babies, loss.  It's all over the place. 

One thing that I have realized on this journey is that you can't escape it.  Pregnant women make me jealous, babies make me sad, and hearing of a loss makes me even sadder. 

I found out very quickly after my first 2 losses, that many people around me have suffered first trimester losses.  Miscarriages are more common than I realized.  After the loss of Bailey, I only have one person I know who has experienced a second trimester loss.  We work for the same company.  We are not buddies, but we know each other.  Every other person I know who has experienced 2nd or 3rd trimester losses, I have met through this journey.  They are my online sisters.

This sisterhood is strong.  When you are having a craptastic day, they are there to lift you up.  The hugs and love outpour from them.  It also flows from family and friends, and all the love is appreciated, but sometimes, just having someone who has been there say "I know it sucks, and it's not fair, but I'm here for you" is just what a person needs.

We went grocery shopping today, and I saw on the newstand a People magazine with the Duggers featured on the front, saying they are ready to have another baby.  I had seens this particular cover previously, because one of my BLM-sisters posted about it.  I couldn't fathom the thought of thinking about it at the time.  But there it was this morning...staring at me...and it made me physically ill to think about it.  Why is it that they can have 19 kids, and want a 20th one, but so many of us can't even have one?  I would give my right arm to have just ONE baby that is happy, healthy, and that I get to bring home.

I'm angry and I'm sad today.  It's one of those craptastic days...and right now, I would love to just sleep it away.

9 comments:

Rhiannon said...

I am sorry that you are having a craptastic (perfect word!) day. I am thinking about you and I hope that you can find some peace and get some rest. Sending you a big hug!

Drew's Parents said...

Those kind of triggers just make me want to scream. Dugger might be a perfectly lovely mom, but why is it that she can so easily have children when others of us struggle and suffer? The world is so terribly unfair, and it really really sucks. I hope you can get to sleep here soon and turn this day over to the past. May tomorrow be a gentler day for you. (((Hugs)))

Lucid Anne said...

I wanna snuggle my sister. <3 We are here for you, always.

Trisha said...

I used to watch the Duggars show. What kills me is the fact that Josie was born too early - just like our precious angels - and she survived. 18 kids and they get to keep her. I don't wish losing her on them...it just ISN'T FAIR!!! And yes, I think I would give both arms to be able to have that many

Jennifer said...

Before I got pregnant, I was never really aware of pregnant women, babies and loss. But after Kai, I became acutely aware of them. Yes, they seem to be everywhere now. But what's more heart-wrenching for me is finding out that there are a lot of us, childless grieving mothers. (;_;)

As for the Duggars going for 20!? How craptastic! Sorry if I oozed sarcasm about the news, it's just that it felt like we've been sucker-punched in the face by cruel fate. ARGH!

Sorry to hear that you had a bad day. I hope tomorrow will be a good one for you. We need more good ones to balance out those craptastic days. ((hugs))

Violet1122 said...

I'm sorry it's been a bad day. You are right - we are always here for each other.

Sending prayers your way that you will feel some comfort and peace in the coming days...

Elaine said...

20 kids! that's insane. That would make my head shake even without the dead baby thing.

Sending you a big hug today Danae!! I know what it's like to have a totally craptastic day. Hopefully you can have a better evening, have hubby give you a massage and eat something chocolate!

Jenna said...

Danae sending you lots of prayers and hugs today! I totally agree how is it that she can get 19 just fine and ready for #20. How can the odds be in her favor that much while the rest of us seem to have the odds against us. With Brynn they told me that what happend was 1 in a million. but that 1 in a million happened.

Julie said...

i, too, see pregant women and babies everywhere and it drives me nuts! and yes, 1st trimester seems to be way more common than i had realized, but not so much stillbirth, and it makes me very angry when people don't seem to realize the difference.

i am more grateful for my BLM sisters than i can ever express.