Monday, August 16, 2010

Weight

Since losing Bailey, I have lost every single bit of my pregnancy weight, plus some.  I am actually almost 10 pounds lighter than I was when I first found out I was pregnant.  I've lost a total of 44.2 pounds since September 2009.  However, here's the problem I've ran across...

People see me, and they notice all the weight loss.  They tell me I look great.  But, then come the questions.

At my 1 week post-partum visit, I had lost 15 pounds since my previous appointment.  The nurse asked my husband if I was eating.  I had been, just not much.  Anxiety, sadness, and burying your child tends to not make you hungry.

At my 6 week post-partum visit, I had lost a good chunk more.  Again, the nurse asked if I was eating, because I had lost another significant amount of weight.  I told her I was, but I was doing Weight Watchers again. 

Now, 3 1/2 month post-partum, I am down 30+ pounds from my highest weight during pregnancy, and I STILL have people asking me if I am eating.  I am losing weight the healthy way.  I am working out, I am doing Weight Watchers, and I am finally beginning to be "okay" with my body.  I still have another 45 pounds I would love to lose, but it will be done the healthy way.

I'm focusing on my physical weight, because the emotional weight is too much to handle right now.  If I focus my sights on one thing (other than getting pregnant and having a successful pregnancy), then I don't focus all day on the emotional hardship that has fallen right square in my lap.  The emotional weight is enough to carry...I don't need the physical weight too right now.  So, I will continue to work hard and strive to get healthier, and the extra physical weight can go away.  I don't want it back, unless it means there is a little bundle growing in my belly.  That's the only way I'll take it back right now.

8 comments:

Violet1122 said...

Congrats on the weight loss! I know how challenging that can be - and it must make you feel good to be accomplishing so much in that area in your life.

I'm sorry, though, that other people don't get it. I wish they would let you be happy about your success.

You should be so proud of yourself! I know you'd give anything to be pregnant again - and I hope that day comes for you soon. But be sure to reward yourself for all that you have accomplished so far!

Trisha said...

The blogging world has been such a blessing to me in the last 7 months. The days I feel like I must be insane for doing what I am doing I can come here and read and it is like people are typing my own life!! One week after losing Trent I was down 11 pounds. And, I agree watching your child pass away in your arms, attending his memorial serviec, and fighting with the funeral home for his ashes so they could fly home with us...I had no desire to eat. And, I felt like I had no reason to. I was sustaining a life...now nothing. But, I did the opposite after that. Food has always been my comfort. SO, I ate and ate and ate. I put that 11 lbs back on plus about 35 more. In two months! But, I am in the same mindset as you now. I know that I can't spend all day focusing on the weight of my heart or I would go insane. I joined a gym started eating right and am down 64 lbs. That is in just in a little over 4 months. And, I get the same questions. And, even worse like...."oh now you will be able to carry a baby to term." Great job!! I have 60 more lbs to go so I will be right there with you!

Dana said...

Congratulations on the weight loss! I know you have been working so hard. If it had happened at any other point, people would just assume you are losing it in a healthy way. Now people always assume that we just aren't eating. I get asked how I am sleeping and eating alot. My answer depends on the day.

I hope that you get pregnant soon! I think of you so often.

Lisette said...

Wow, congrats on the weight loss. I am glad you are doing in a healthy manner. You have been through so much, people do not always understand it and that is ok. You conitnue doing what makes you feel good. Best of luck to you ((HUGS)).

Jennifer said...

Your weight loss is an inspiration to me. I've started an exercise regimen and decided to eat right (again) to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. It can be discouraging sometimes when I see my still pudgy belly but I'm determined to work on it. Our grief packs so much emotional weight on us that it affects even our physical well-being. So it's good to stay healthy and not add more illness to our bodies.

Thank you for sharing. Keep up the healthy weight loss.

Drew's Parents said...

You are doing such amazing job, Danae. The way you described your weight loss goals is so powerful. I hope that you can continue to focus your energy on a healthy you. I am cheering you on and sending you my thoughts and love.

Julie said...

it only makes it harder that other people don't get it, but all you can do is what you know is right for you. i'm so proud of you, and i wish i could accomplish the same thing. i have nothing but excuses. wishing you continued success in your weight loss (and ttc!) journey...

Dr Eric Berg said...

So happy that you have continued life after your loss, so sad to hear but I think we should be happy coz your little angel is very happy now. Just keep yourself healthy. Remember, God works in mysterious ways.