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Monday, September 27, 2010

Changing of Seasons

Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope has posed a monthly writing challenge.  September's topic:  How has the changing of seasons (from summer to fall) impacted you in your grief journey?

I am happy to be going through these seasonal changes right now.  Spring and Fall are my favorite times of the year.  Summer is too hot and winter is too cold.  But, Spring and Summer?  They are just right!

I love's the start of sweater weather. The leaves change colors.  It's beautiful.  It means cooler weather.  And in true Oklahoma spirit, it means the start of football season!!!  Boomer Sooner!

Here in Oklahoma, it's been hot, up until yesterday.  On September 18th, sitting in Oklahoma Memorial Stadium for the OU vs. Air Force game, the temp was in the mid 90's.  I was sweating profusely, and felt exceptionally gross.  Yesterday, a wonderful cold front rolled though, and the high for today?  Mid 70's! 

This year though, Fall doesn't have the same meaning it always has held with me.  This Fall was supposed to be entirely different.  It was supposed to mean a brand new life...a new addition to our family.  I was looking forward to dressing Bailey up in an adorable little OU cheerleading outfit.  I was looking forward to coordinating a Halloween costume for her, Desiree, and Desmond.  I was looking foward to giving up going to 1-2 football games this year.  But, you know the old saying..."The best laid plans of mice and men...often go awry". 

Even though nothing is how it was "supposed" to be, the change of the season has been good for me.  It's a new season of hope.  I have hope that Fall this year, will be good to us, just as Fall last year was.  It was during the Fall we discovered we were pregnant with Bailey.  It was the Spring that was cruel to us and during that season, she was taken away.  But Fall, we're still on good terms...for now.  I just hope that Fall this year gives us the opportunity to make Bailey the big sister we dream of her being. 

I have made leaps and bounds in the transition from Summer to Fall.  I am feeling better.  I am genuinely laughing and smiling.  I can speak of Bailey and smile at the precious little girl we got to hold only so briefly, but who made the biggest impace on our lives.  Although, I dearly wish she were here with us, I have comfort knowing she is always watching over us.  She's got our backs.

I hope the changing of seasons has been just as good to the rest of you, as it has been to me.  In my season of hope, that's my hope for each of you.  And I hope we all have a little rainbow in the horizon.


Violet1122 said...

Praying that your rainbow comes into your life soon...

I'm glad that you have generally been doing well and feeling good.

I love fall too - hoping this fall proves to be a blessing for you!

Violet1122 said...

Just wanted you to know... I have nominated you for an award on my blog!

You were one of my first readers, and I've always been so grateful for your support and kindness. Thank you!!

Dana said...

I feel the same way about fall in terms of it being a new beginining of sorts. Although I love the summer and the heat. We get so few warm months here that I really love it when we have it. Although I thought it would be more uncomfortable this year, being pregnant and all. Oh well, so much for that.

I'm hoping this fall brings the beginnings of a rainbow baby for you (and me). I hope we all get pregnant around the same time. We can all support each other through the fear and it won't hurt anyone to read our blogs!

Thinking of you and Bailey.

Oh, I also nominated you for a blog award.

Elaine said...

I am so happy that you are in a better place. It really does help to get offline and into the "real world" for awhile. I hope this Fall brings you your rainbow! And then maybe next Spring will make up for the one past.

Jennifer said...

Danae, I hope you have a little rainbow in the horizon, too. (((hugs))) I'm sure Bailey would like to be a big sister. :)

Allison said...

I can just imagine little Bailey in her OU cheerleader outfit. How adorable! (((Hugs))) I am glad that the fall seems to be heading in a good direction. I love this time of year too. Although this fall was supposed to be drastically different, I am trying to find moments of peace and enjoyment. I am hoping and praying for your rainbow. <3 <3 <3

Rhiannon said...

I am glad that you are enjoying the change of seasons and I hope that you get some extra good news soon! :)

Thank you so much for the card you sent us on Harper's due date. That was so thoughtful of you, it really meant a lot to us!