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Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

Today is such a bittersweet day.  A day of what should have been's and a day of what is.  And even though I miss Bailey with all of my heart, today, I am at peace with what is.

Our journey through infertility and loss has been so complex and kind of strange when it comes to Mother's Day.  Mother's Day 2008 - I didn't feel the overwhelming loss and I didn't mourn the holiday.  Same was the same in 2009.  Even after 2 losses, I didn't feel like that.

Mother's Day 2010 - 1 week post losing Bailey.  Mother's Day was terrible last year.  My heart and arms ached so bad.  I couldn't make it through the day without bawling.  That was the "first" of the "firsts" in regards to holidays.

And now, Mother's Day 2011 - A bittersweet day, because I still mourn the precious little girl who we lost a year ago, but am feeling so blessed to have our second little girl growing happy and safe inside of me.  What is, is that I will always be the mother of one little girl who didn't get to stay with us, and a mother to our future children.

I hope for all of the mothers out there, especially those who have lost a child, that today is peaceful on them.


Allison said...

A peaceful and reflective mother's day to you, Danae. <3 <3 <3 You worded the bittersweet nature of the day so perfectly. I am so happy for you and am celebrating Cameron. But I am also remembering your precious Bailey and two little angels. You are a beautiful mommy, and I wish you a special day today. Sending you love and hugs <3 <3 <3