29w4d MFM Appointment

Today we went for our MFM appointment.  Cameron was super bouncy and would not sit still and it was so funny!  Our u/s tech was really nice (which they all have been nice, but some are just more "to the point" than others) but was a little rough with the ultrasound wand at times.  She gave us lots of pictures and then even burned them onto a CD for us!

Cameron is still measuring ahead (they didn't tell us how much this time, but I think it's still close to 2 weeks based on what I was gathering when I was watching them take measurements) and she is weighing in at 3 lbs 15 oz! 

She tried to hide behind the placenta again when they were doing 4D pictures (like she always does), but they still got a couple of good ones!

I got tickled at times because the u/s tech would move the wand and dig into my belly and as soon as she would move it away, Cameron would kick back.  It was almost like "you poke me, I'll poke you!".  It was amusing. 

Dr. M. thinks everything looks great and he is very pleased with how everything is going.  I see him again in 3 weeks for another cervical check (which was about 3cm today, no shortening or anything) and then one more time after that for a final growth check, and then we are released from his care!  His parting words as he finished up his part of checking was "You better get to decorating, because she's sticking around!".  I really hope he's right. 

I picked up my LAST vial of P17 shots today (5 shots left to go!).  I reflected on the fact that we are 7w2d (plus a few hours) away from meeting this little girl.  I am so excited and so nervous at the same time!  This weekend is my first baby shower and I just marvel at the fact that we have actually gotten far enough to have a baby shower this time!  At times I am afraid someone is going to pinch me and wake me up and tell me it is all just a dream.

I leave you with a few photos from our u/s today...

A nice profile shot

Feet crossed and relaxing...

And my favorite from today - the 4D of her face...it looks like she was smiling at us!

29 weeks and first NST

Had our regular weekly Dr.'s appointment yesterday afternoon, and they asked about Cameron and movement.  Honestly, there are some days that my little girl is just rather lazy.  I think she takes after her daddy (hence my last post about our trip to L&D last week). 

My Dr. recommended we start bi-weekly NSTs (non-stress tests) until we can get in to start doing weekly BPPs (biophysical profiles).  The BPPs we can do in her office, but the NSTs we have to do at L&D.  So, we went yesterday after my appointment for my first one. 

We got there and got checked in, and the nurse came to get us and she asked what we were there for and I told her jokingly "because I have a lazy child".  Apparently she wasn't a joker.  She goes "So, what?  Decreased fetal movement?".  I explained to her we had that last week, and since she isn't a big mover some days my Dr. wants to start these.  Why does she care?  Do it because my Dr.'s office sent over the freaking orders lady!

The nurse was not very friendly (mind you, I've been at that hospital MANY times over the course of the last 2 pregnancies (more times this time than last time) and everyone is normally really nice, so this kind of perturbed me.  She got me hooked up, made me turn in a funny position in the chair because Cameron was not cooperating (shocker!) and then started asking me 20 questions.  See conversation below...Nurses questions/comments are in bold.  My answers are not.

How many pregnancies have you had?  4
How many living children do you have?  None
What medications are you on?  Prenatal, extra folic acid, colace...oh and I just had my weekly progesterone shot!
Do you drink?  No
Do you smoke?  No
Do you do recreational drugs?  No
Wait a minute.....it says here that you had a previous c-section?  Yes, at 23 weeks.
But you said you have no living children?  Right
So?.....She didn't survive.
Oh my...I'm so sorry.

And magically, she was nicer to me!  What's sad is that it took her finding out I have a baby who died for her to be nicer to me.  What about the people who come in who have surviving children?  Do they still get the harsh, meanie treatment?

Adam said I was too hard on her.  I explained to him that I don't expect everyone to be nice to me all the time.  And I understand that not everyone on this planet knows my story.  BUT, she is a freaking nurse in LABOR & DELIVERY and needs to have a little bit nicer bed-side manner.  I expect that kind of treatment in the ER...not in L&D.  Pregnancy is scary even if you haven't been through everything we have, but it should NOT take someone finding out about a dead baby for them to be nice to their patient?

Am I over-reacting?

On another note, TODAY marks 29 weeks!  I'm pretty excited about that, because that means this is our last week in the 20's and we are only 8 weeks away from meeting Cameron!  So, you hear that little girl?  You only have 8 more weeks, and I don't expect to see you until then!  We are a week and a couple of days out from our family and non-work friends baby-shower and 2 weeks and 1 day out from my work baby-shower.  And I am actually starting to get excited about them both!  I never imagined us getting to this point, but we are really here now!

Lazy, Stubborn, or Just Her Daddy's Little Girl?

I know some of you who are out in blog land and who actually read this, are wondering after my last post if Cameron woke up and started jigging, or did we end up going to L&D?

Well, we went ahead and went.  I get off of the elevators to walk into 2nd floor Triage, and a woman I work with was there waiting for her niece to have her baby.  Her immediate question was "WHAT are you doing here?".  I told her Cameron hadn't been very active so we were going to get hooked up to the monitors. 

As we waited on the Triage nurse to come and get us, I felt a singular thump.  Now, keep in mind, I was not worried about her being gone, I was just worried that she was stressed.  There is a difference.

The nurse came and got us and hooked me up to the monitors...that did the trick...Cameron is NOT a fan of being hooked up, and within minutes was kicking around.  We were monitored for about 30 minutes and they never saw that she was under duress, and her heartrate stayed consistently in the 130-140's, so we were released to go home.

She nudged a few more time last night before I headed off to bed.  She woke me up in the middle of the night with a couple of nudges (I was also in the process of waking up to go pee and to let Desmond out to go pee because he was whining), and she has already nudged me a couple of times this morning.

So, after our trip to L&D yesterday, I was trying to figure out if she was just being lazy, being stubborn, or just being her Daddy's girl and being laid back and not giving a rat's behind about whether she was making mommy nervous!

I am glad she is well and still hanging out firmly inside me.  We have 8w6d or even 2 months from today (September 15th is the goal date) til we meet this sweet girl...I am so excited and nervous all at the same time, and I can't wait!  It seems like just yesterday I was at 8w6d and was thinking that September/October was REALLY far way!

Third Trimester! 28 weeks!

We are here!  28 weeks!  FINALLY!  I am thrilled to be in the 3rd trimester.  But as I sit here writing this post, I worry because Cameron has not been very active today.  If she doesn't start moving in the next 15 minutes or so, I think we are going to make a little trip to L&D so she can be monitored for a little while.  I just want to make sure she isn't under duress.  If we go, that will be another post later.

We went for our appointment with the MFM on Monday, and they estimate our little girl to be almost 2 weeks ahead of schedule measurement wise, and she is weighing in at just a little over 3 pounds!  Dr. M would rather her be big than small. 

I probably have more to say, but I'm having problems thinking right now.  So, I just leave you with a picture of me and little girl at 28 weeks!  It's not a great picture because Adam is awful with the camera...or at least I'm just going to blame it on him.  :)

My Theory

I got my results today for my 3 hour glucose test that I took yesterday, and based on my results, it goes with a theory I have.  Today, I told someone that I had no doubt that I passed my 3 hour test, because they were able to draw my blood each time on the first shot.

I know you are probably wondering what I mean by that, and I will explain.

My theory is that if they don't get my blood on the first attempt, then I usually have bad results.  Here's why:

Pregnancy #1:  January 2008 - After getting a +HPT, I went in for my blood draw.  It took them multiple attempts.  I went in for my 2nd blood draw and again it took them multiple attempts.  The person who took my blood the first day remembered me the 2nd day based on the fact that I am a hard draw.  After draw #2, I started spotting, and miscarried the next day.

Pregnancy #2:  June 2008 - After waiting a week to call my Dr.'s office after getting a +HPT, I went in for my first blood draw.  Again, 2 sticks.  Went back for my 2nd blood draw and the person taking my blood actually came out to get me and said "I drew the short straw".  She said it as a joke, because everyone in the office remembered how hard it was to get blood out of me.  My results from the 2nd draw?  My levels were not increasing appropriately.  Ultimately, again, just like the first, I miscarried.

Pregnancy #3:  December 2009 - Every time I got my blood drawn, they got me first try.  Based on that, I felt better about the pregnancy from the get go.  And everything progressed exactly as it should.  Things went great until at 23 weeks, my cervix gave out, and into this world came Bailey...17 weeks too soon.

Pregnancy #4:  January 2011 - All blood draws for HCG levels were gotten on the first try.  Again, I felt good.  All routine blood draws so far this pregnancy have been gotten on the first try...EXCEPT for the glucose test...and it took 2 tries and resulted in 2 bruises that I still have over a week later.  And what happened on the 2 stick occurrence?  I failed my glucose test!  I should have known that result was coming!

But, going into the Dr. today, I felt good about the result she would give me, because I knew it was going to be good results...because the woman drawing my blood yesterday was able to stick me 4 times in the same vein and she got blood from me all 4 times.  And at my Dr.'s appointment today, my Dr. told me my glucose levels are in the normal range!  Hooray!

Everything else is cruising along at status quo.  Cameron's heartrate was 145 today, just where it normally is.  She's been active and bouncing around tonight.  My cervix is high, thick, and closed, and hopefully my fetal fibronectin comes back negative from today.

Tomorrow marks 27 weeks!  One month longer than we made it with Bailey, and 10 weeks away from meeting Cameron.  My baby showers are in the process of being planned and dates have been set.  I feel good and I am hopeful that we will make it to our 37 week delivery date on September 15th!

Fail!

So, I failed my 1 hour glucose test...by 3 measley points.  The cutoff high is 140...my score was 143.  So, Tuesday morning, like a trooper, I am going to go and take my 3 hour test, and pray that I pass.  I have to fast for 8-14 hours before the test.  I normally eat dinner around 6 p.m. and hit the ground at 5 a.m. and am already hungry.  My test starts at 7, which means I won't be done til 10!  By 10 a.m., I have typically eaten breakfast AND a snack...I'm going to be so grumpy because I'll be hungry....but, it's okay!

I have to say that when I found out I failed my glucose test on Thursday, I really struggled with it.  I even told Adam that night that I haven't ever failed a test.  I was always the person that did great on tests and I passed my driving test the first time...but this is one of those tests that I can't control the outcome, and it is what it is.

I still struggle with not being able to control the outcome...even after going through everything I have in the last 14 months.

I just need to learn to let go of that wanting to control things...but, it is so much easier said than done!

Note:  I have changed how comments pop up - I don't require the word verification and it will pop up a new window.  I know I am having some problems commenting on some people's blogs right now (if I am on my computer), and I have been notified that others are having problems commenting on mine also.  I hope this fixes it for the time-being.

100 Days!

25 weeks and 5 days = 100 days to go!  I technically could have done this post about 3 weeks ago, because since we are planning on delivering Miss Cameron at 37 weeks on September 15th, so I really only have 79 days left, but I thought I would stick with the official one.  :)

So, how did I celebrate making it to this point where the countdown is on the last day of being a 3-digit number and tonight will roll over to being just a 2 digit number?  I went and had my glucose test done!  What a way to celebrate huh? 

I knew I needed to get it done, as I've had the lab order since last week.  I figured I might as well bite the bullet and do it, so in hopes of being able to have my results by the time I go to my weekly appointment tomorrow, I got up and did it this morning.

I got to Norman Regional Healthplex this morning at 6:27 and was given a buzzer at registration so they could call me back, because they didn't open for another 3 minutes.  They called me back, verified my information, put a bracelet on me and I waited.  I got called back again shortly after and was taken back to a room and given the fizz-less orange drink.  She told me I had 5 minutes to drink it...I was thirsty and I didn't have time to mess around, so it was gone in less than a minute...and it really wasn't that bad.  I told Adam it tasted like a stronger version of the Hi-C Orange at McDonalds that had been mixed right.  He understood that analogy...lol

About 30 minutes after drinking that stuff, Cameron went NUTS!  She was all over the place!  I laughed to myself and savored every minute of it.  I was trying to read a book on my Nook, but she kept my attention for the most part.

An hour later, they took me back and nurse #1 tried to get the blood she needed...Epic Fail.  My arm still hurts from that one.  Nuse #2 tried to get the blood she needed from the other arm...after a little bit of digging, she got what she needed...that arm still hurts too.  I am a little bruised from them, but the test is done...Now I just pray that I don't have to go do the 3 hour one!  :)

So, with 100 days left and 140 under my belt, I have made it over the "hump", I get to write this post about being at 100 days left to go, and I got to take my glucose test.  All things I didn't get to do with Bailey.

And the even better part...M still feels good about it.  (To understand what this means, see this post.)  She told me she just has that feeling that Cameron is strong and everything is still going to be fine.

25 Weeks!

Not much going on this week.  We are officially 2 weeks past when Bailey was born, and still ticking along, and hopefully we continue to do so!  My app says that if Cameron was born today, she would have a 70% chance of survival...but, she needs to just hang out for another 12 weeks.

Saw Dr. M (MFM) on Monday morning, and he is pleased with how everything looks.  Cervix is still nice and long, Cameron was making sucking motions, and she was completely uncooperative.  LOL! 

Fetal Fibronectin came back negative this week, so hopefully 2 more weeks of not going into labor.  Halfway through my P17 shots...we are getting there!

Saw Dr. L (Regular Doc) on Wednesday, like normal, and heartrate was 145-150...measurement is right on track...she's pleased!  She gave me my lab slip to schedule my glucose test, so I will call and schedule that next week. 

Regular appointment again next week and it's not back to the MFM until July 11th because he's on vacation the week of July 4th.

And here are some belly shots for your viewing pleasure...The general consensus at work today is I have really popped!

Me and Cameron at 25 weeks 0 days

My view at 25 weeks...my feet have disappeared!

24 Weeks - Viability!

It's amazing what one week will do for a person.  Heck, it's amazing what one DAY will do for a person.

Last Wednesday, the anxiety was extremely high, and I was so afraid that history was going to repeat itself.  But, as I woke up on Thursday morning, and realized we were further into 23 weeks than we were last time, I felt a little bit better.  As I woke up on Friday and realized we were a WHOLE day further than we were last time, I felt even more relieved.

And now, one week later, I am 24 weeks, and have reached what Doctors deem "viability".  If something was to happen and Cameron was born today, her chances of survival are 50 to 60 percent.  That is a HUGE leap over the 5 to 10 percent that we had at 23 weeks.

As a BLM though, I know it's not over til she is here, and safe and sound in my arms.  And these 40 weeks are just the start of the worrying...but for some reason, it seems like the worry is significantly less, at least for a little while, after I know she is here safe and sound.

So, what happens now that I am 24 weeks?  My Dr. is going to continue to see me weekly, more just for our peace of mind now.  She is wonderful and is willing to do whatever we want to do to make us feel better.  We will start the Fetal Fibronectin (fFn) test next week...we would have started it this week, but they prefer that you are at least 24 weeks, and plus, we had a little scare on Friday evening that sent us to L&D (It was just Round Ligament Pains), and they did one then....it came out negative, by the way.  So, by doing the fFn test every 2 weeks, and hoping it comes out negative, because if it does, the chances of us going into labor within the next 2 weeks is less than 5%, that is just one more thing we can do to monitor me and make sure we make it to full-term, or at least somewhere close to it.

We will continue to see our MFM on the weeks in between the fFn test for cervical measurements to make sure there is no shortening.  So, we are being monitored very closely, and we are so grateful.  And finally, I continue to get the P17 injection weekly.  I have picked up my 3rd vial of the shot, and am 11 shots away from being done with those shots.  I don't know if we will plan on stopping early, since I plan on delivering at 37 weeks.  I guess we will see.

So.....Cameron and I are both doing well.  At our appointment this past Monday (23w4d), Cameron was measuring almost a week ahead and was weighing in at 1 pound 8 ounces!

We feel fortunate that everything is going so well this time, and we pray it continues to do so.

THE week

This is it...this is THE week.  THE week that last time, with Bailey, was her last week with us.  It was the last days of feeling her kick.  It was the last week I was blissfully ignorant and expected my pregnancy to last for another 18 weeks with no problem.  It was THE last week in the span of what should have been 40 weeks that my life was just "normal".

What week is that?  It's the week between 22 and 23 weeks.  Today, I am 22w1d, and sitting here as I write this post, feeling Cameron kick her little legs and feet.  I feel the occasional bump, bump, bump.  And it's the week that I feel like I am holding my freaking breath, just praying with every fiber of my being that history doesn't repeat itself.  To make it to next Thursday, even at 6 a.m. will be monumental, but only the first stepping stone.

I went into labor with Bailey at 23 weeks...right on the money pretty much.  I woke up as the day ticked over to 23 weeks...cramping and bleeding.  We left the house at 1:00 a.m. and went to the hospital.  I was fully dilated when I was checked and 3 hours and 33 minutes into week 23, Bailey was born.  And 4 hours and 27 minutes into week 23, she was gone.

So, we just need to make it through this week...Next Thursday, here we come!  Please be kind on us this time around...

20w4d

We had our appointment with our MFM today at 20w4d.  Miss Cameron is measuring right on track and weighs in at a whopping 15 ounces!  We are so close to a pound!  I asked the ultrasound tech to "confirm" again that Cameron is a girl (for my own peace of mind), because I was having those crazy dreams about delivering and her being a boy.  I would love her/him either way, but I am not one who likes surprises!  The ultrasound tech immediately confirmed Cameron is a girl! 

As we were getting pictures of our little girl, Adam started cracking up laughing when the tech took a picture in 2D of her nose/lips.  When I asked what he was laughing so hard about, he said he was laughing because the picture made her look like Rygel from Farscape.  So, here is the picture that is Adam's favorite of the day, along with a picture of Rygel...you can look and see for yourself...

For the record...I cannot believe I just posted the pictures in comparison...but it was so funny to sit in the Dr.'s office and listen to Adam laughing so hard at this picture and to come up with this comparison.  Now, he questions if he is the father, or if the father is some creepy little critter from a Sci-Fi show!

We also got a 4D picture of her profile.  She always has a hand or arm in the picture...that I have accepted!  When looking at pictures of her in 4D and looking at pictures of Bailey, I can already see resemblances between my 2 little girls. 

Since my last post, we have talked with my regular Dr. and she has told us that we will probably go ahead and deliver Cameron at 37 or 38 weeks (if I get all the way to there), just because she understands the anxiety I have as a BLM.  She said we will discuss the pros and cons when we get closer and will make a decision of what will be best for me and Cameron at that time.  So, if we do deliver at 37 or 38 weeks, she should be here between September 15-22!  Four more months and we should get to meet this little girl!

But, for now, she needs to stay put, continue to grow, and my body needs to hang in there.  All is well and that's how we like it!

Mother's Day

Today is such a bittersweet day.  A day of what should have been's and a day of what is.  And even though I miss Bailey with all of my heart, today, I am at peace with what is.

Our journey through infertility and loss has been so complex and kind of strange when it comes to Mother's Day.  Mother's Day 2008 - I didn't feel the overwhelming loss and I didn't mourn the holiday.  Same was the same in 2009.  Even after 2 losses, I didn't feel like that.

Mother's Day 2010 - 1 week post losing Bailey.  Mother's Day was terrible last year.  My heart and arms ached so bad.  I couldn't make it through the day without bawling.  That was the "first" of the "firsts" in regards to holidays.

And now, Mother's Day 2011 - A bittersweet day, because I still mourn the precious little girl who we lost a year ago, but am feeling so blessed to have our second little girl growing happy and safe inside of me.  What is, is that I will always be the mother of one little girl who didn't get to stay with us, and a mother to our future children.

I hope for all of the mothers out there, especially those who have lost a child, that today is peaceful on them.

Happy 1st Birthday, Bailey!

Dear sweet girl,

Today is your first birthday.  Mommy and daddy miss you so much.  I can't believe it's been an entire year already.  A WHOLE year.  I still remember this day, last year, like it was just yesterday.  I couldn't believe that at 23 weeks, we already had to meet you.  I remember the freshness of the pain when your daddy had to come in and tell me the worst news I had ever heard...that we had to let you go and that you were gone.  I remember what it felt like to hold you in my arms the very first time.  I remember the kindness and love everyone showed us while we sat in a room on the NICU floor, with you gone.  I remember the tears in the eyes and sorrow in the voices.  It's so clear.

Today is the last "first".  We have made it through the year of "firsts" without you.  First Mother's Day, Father's Day, our birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, and now your first birthday.  I wish I had a big party to plan, and was getting you a huge cake for you to absolutely destroy.  But, instead, we are going to go put new flowers out on your grave, and we will have a cake, just for you.

You are loved and missed sweet girl.  I hope that you are having the biggest party in Heaven today.  I hope all of your friends are there with you and I hope you all are having cake and ice cream and making messes!

We went yesterday to pick out your memorial stone for your grave, but I know you know that.  That's the last thing we needed to do for you, and we wanted to do it around your first birthday.  So, we went and found a stone for you, but they are going to have to custom make the size we want, and we hope they can do it.

We miss you and we love you.  Be with us today as it's going to be a hard day without you.  Send mommy, daddy, and your little sister some special kisses.

Love,
Mommy

It's a..........

Yesterday, we went for my follow-up appointment at MFM.  I was expecting to get my cervix checked and make sure all was going well after getting the cerclage placed.  Someone came and got us and took us back to an ultrasound room.  She told me she was going to ultrasound my cervix and then she would do a regular ultrasound so we could see how baby was doing.

She checked my cervix and she said it looked great.  She came back in and started ultrasounding CB.  She asked if we wanted to find out what we were having.  We told her we did and asked her if it was too early. She said it might be, but she would try and see what she could see...and what did she see?

She didn't see any boy parts and she saw 3 lines...so, CB is a girl!  After we finished with her, we had to wait for about an hour for my Dr. because he had to perform an emergency c-section.  Once he came in and started looking, he also asked if we knew what we were having.  We told him the u/s tech "thinks" it's a girl.  He said "well, that just won't do!  Let's look again and see if we can confirm that!".  So, Dr. Mirabile looked again, and he said "Yup, it's a girl!  That definitely looks like a vajayjay!".  It took everything I had not to crack up laughing, because I really didn't expecting him to say that!

So, we are going with the girl ruling unless we find out otherwise in a few weeks!  We are very excited, and Adam was grinning from ear to ear.

So, CB is no longer "it" or "he or she".  CB is "she" and she has a name!  CB is officially Cameron Bailey!  We decided to keep Bailey as part of the name if we had a girl, because we want her to know about her big sister.

We are excited, but still nervous at the same time.  Like I said...one day at a time...with both of our little girls.

14w6d - 3.13.2011

Today is 14 weeks and 6 days.  Cerclage is done.  CB is healthy.  Mommy's a nervous wreck most days.  But, we are getting there.  The next 8 weeks are going to be the hardest...and the hardest of them all is only about 2 weeks away.

Weekly appointments with my regular doctor because they want just as badly as we do to bring this baby home.  They are willing to see me however many times a week that I need to feel calm.  They are wonderful and I can't have asked for more caring people.  When I feel like a total nut-job, they assure me over and over that I'm not and that they don't mind me coming in as often as I need.

I asked my Dr. today about if I will be able to exercise at all during this pregnancy.  As I expected, the answer was NO!  So, I went to the gym today to freeze my membership until mid-November.  I am doing that because I have every intention, plan, and hope to bring this baby home, and no sooner than sometime in September.  My gym is wonderful too.  I have told one trainer there our story and when I walked in today, she was training someone else, but saw me, noticed my bump (MY BUMP!) and got excited!  Someone else helped us freeze our accounts.  She knew who I was and she got excited too and said they all were just talking about me the other day and was wondering where I had been.  It's nice to know they have recognized that I have been gone (or so they say) and that I have actually be missed.  Come November, I'll be going back to the gym so CB can have a mom that is fit, active, and fun!

I start my P17 shots next week and picked up my first vial (5 shots) for $55.00 this week.

So, this pregnancy is progressing.  We've had our fair share of rough moments already, but we are still blessed to be pregnant and for the most part...complication free.

As we progress through the next 8 weeks, we have a lot going on.  Bailey's 1st birthday is April 30th, which is only about 2 weeks away.  I'm having anxiety about it, but know it will be okay.  And our other big milestone will be to get to June 9th....23 weeks.  My personal challenge that week is that internal audit will be here, so I will have no time to myself and will have quite a bit of stress.

One day at a time...sometimes even only one minute at a time...we're getting there though.

Cerclage in Place

I had my cerclage put in on Friday morning and so far all is going well.  We went in for the procedure and had to check in at 5:00 a.m.  We got checked in and put in a room in our own room in Labor and Delivery (that was awkward) and nurses were in before long to check CB's heartbeat and had to chase him or her all over the place and the monitor got kicked multiple times (we could actually hear it).  We had a good laugh about that. 

It took 3 different nurses and 5 different attempts to get my IV in place.  A spot on my right arm STILL hurts today.  At one point, Dr. Mirabile was in my room and saw 3 nurses and told them that if they didn't get it by the next time that they needed to stop poking on me and get my anesthesiologist up there to do it. 

Right at 7:00 a.m., they rolled me out of my room and down to surgery.  I had my spinal block done and was in the stirrups within minutes.  The procedure took about 30 minutes from start to finish and Dr. Mirabile said it was very easy and went fantastically!  That made me happy. 

I really had to focus on not freaking out when I got in the operating room.  I knew having the spinal would make me feel exactly like I did when I was getting ready for my c-section, and I vividly remember freaking out towards the end of my c-section because I don't like being able to feel my feet.  The stirrups made this experience different in a way, so that made it a little easier.

After I was rolled back in my room, Adam was quickly asleep and I dozed off and on.  Again, it reminded me of post c-section because my nurse was in and out.  I started getting feeling back in my legs a couple of hours later and asked for something for the pain around 10:30.  Around noon my nurse got me up to try to go and use the bathroom.  I got up, got to the bathroom, but still had no feeling in my nether-regions so I couldn't do anything.  So, back to bed I went, and ordered lunch.

Right about the time my lunch arrived, I was so nauseated that I couldn't eat.  The next time my nurse came in, I told her that, and she said it was probably because of a full bladder.  She decided to go ahead and do a catheter to empty my bladder...and boy was it full!  She drained over 1100 CC's...and the pressure instantly went away and so did the nausea. 

I finally got enough feeling back to be able to go to the bathroom on my own around 3:00 and was discharged around 3:45.  I was able to walk out of the hospital and was so grateful for that.  They offered a wheelchair, but any mom who has been through loss understands that being rolled out of the hospital with no baby in their arms, it's an empty feeling.  And even though my baby is still in my belly, safe and sound, I couldn't bear the thought of using that wheelchair.  So, I walked my happy self out!

I took one more pain pill when I got home and since then I have taken Tylenol.  So, overall, I think I'm doing well!  We're almost out of the first trimester and I'm thrilled about that!

What a Day

Today has been exhausting.  Let's start with I had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night and woke up holding tight to my slightly bulging belly and thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest.  I haven't ever had an anxiety attack like the one I felt last night.  And it was 12:30 a.m...which is when I woke up when I was in labor with Bailey.  I don't know why, but I have come to really dread that time.

I tossed and turned the rest of the night and this morning, first thing at 9:00 a.m., I called my Dr.'s office, left a message on my nurse's line and got a call back within 5 minutes of me calling.  I told London about my anxiety attack and about my massive constipation I have had.  I'll talk about that in just a bit...I know you, as my reader, can't wait to hear about my plumbing problems...lol!

My nurse wanted me to come in at 10:15 to see my Dr.  I needed reassurance that everything is okay with CB.  We got there and waited for a little while, and then my Dr. brought in the portable sono machine and did a quick ultrasound and we saw CB wiggling around...whew!  Heartrate was 157 bpm...again...whew!

We discussed whether or not for me to start taking an anti-depressant.  I'm not thrilled with the idea and she said I didn't have to.  I think I am going to wait until after the cerclage procedure and see how I am doing after that.  I know part of the anxiety is because we are only a month away from Bailey's first birthday and as it gets closer, the harder it gets.

We talked about my constipation and she wants me to take Colace twice a day and Benefiber twice a day until I regulate and then once a day on both for the remainder of my pregnancy.  Go figure that the day we talk about this, I FINALLY had 2 bowel movements and my belly feels better.

We also talked about doing the P17 shots when I reach 16 weeks.  She knew there were pharmacies here that are still compounding the drug, so she called my MFM today to find out if they knew where, and they did, so my Dr.'s office called to find out the shelf life on the meds.  She said if the shelf life was good (or even if it wasn't), she would call in what she could for me, so we could at least get it for cheaper than $1500/shot.  I received a call back from them while I was in the shower this afternoon, and they found a pharmacy that is still compounding it, and they called in my prescription...and I think it's for the whole 20 shots!  I will pay $55.00/vial instead of the $1500/shot and I am ecstatic about it.  I was so worried about what we were going to do when we got to that point, because we really need that shot, as I know so many other people do too.

After a sleepless night, I did catch a nap today because I didn't go back to work after my appointment, and overall, I am feeling better.  Counting down the days until we get the cerclage in, and praying it does the trick!  That along with the shots, I am hoping that we can keep CB in here for another 26 weeks!

First High Risk Appointment

I had my first high-risk appointment with the perinatologist yesterday afternoon.  I spent majority of the day having massive anxiety, because I was so afraid something was going to be wrong with CB.  The other part of my anxiety was because I had NO idea what to expect.

We got to our appointment and first thing we did was have an extensive ultrasound done.  It was nice to have an ultrasound done, because I wasn't really expecting it.  This was more extensive than even my 18 week ultrasound with Bailey.  Yesterday, I was 11w5d and CB was measuring at 12w1d with a heartrate of 163 bpm!  We got pictures of his/her feet and hands and good picture of the face (looks like a little martian) and then a regular profile picture.  All development of the brain, bladder, and stomach looked normal.  She also did an internal ultrasound to measure my cervix.  She didn't share those measurements.

Dr. Mirabile came in shortly after she was done and did another ultrasound and said that CB looked really good and he was pleased.  He offered to do the NT screening and we decided to go ahead and have that done since it was non-invasive testing.  He also did a physical check of my cervix and said it was closed, firm, and something else.

We scheduled to have the cerclage placed on April 1st at 7:00 a.m.  We have to be at Mercy at 5:00 a.m. to check in.  I have prescriptions for afterwards and they said no food or water for 8 hours prior to the procedure.  That one will stink because I wake up during the night and am horribly thirsty.  But, I am not going to risk it, because they said if I do eat or drink after the time, they will cancel the procedure.  I need that done so hopefully CB will hang out up there until the end, so I will survive without.

So, cerclage on April 1st and then next appointment with MFM on April 26th.  That will put me in my 16th week, so I am hoping that they will do another ultrasound at that time, and MAYBE we can find out what little CB is!  I can't wait to find out!

So, so far, so good...and that's all we can ask for right now.  We'll continue loving this little one for as long as he or she gets to be with us...and hopefully, that's for the rest of my lifetime.

10w4d

Today is 10w4d and my, oh my, has this week been an anxiety filled one.  Yesterday, we went to the ER because I was bleeding.  The ER Doctor was a jerk (in my opinion) and kept talking about how we would just have to wait and see if this ends in miscarriage or if it turns out okay.

We went to my infertility specialist for my last visit today.  CB was all over the place and was very active!  We then followed up with my regular Dr. after yesterday's events.  We talked for a while, and she completely understands my anxiety and wants us to be as at ease as possible, so she has offered to let us come in weekly for sonograms and heartrate checks, or however often we need.  She said she understands that I probably won't relax until we are in the "safe" zone, but she said she also knows that being a part of this community that I won't be completely at ease until this little one is safe and sound in our arms.  I'm so blessed to have wonderful Dr.'s who are willing to accommodate us and help us however we need.

Next sonogram is scheduled for Friday.  And I'll add the picture of CB from today once I get it scanned in to my computer.

It's back to work tomorrow for me, but with limited duty.  I think I am going to rest and relax and not do any audits until after we go to high-risk next week and possibly not until after we have our cerclage done.  Once we get through that, and through the 12 week mark, I think I will feel a little bit better for the time being...at least until we get to 23 weeks.

It's Scary

Pregnancy is supposed to be exciting and fun...but, let's be honest...none of my pregnancies have really ever been just that.  My first 2 were short-lived, my third was a nerve racking experience until I got out of the first trimester and then at 23 weeks my world got turned upside down.  And this pregnancy has been not as eventful as Bailey's, but let's face it, it's just pretty darn scary.

At 9w4d with Bailey, I had unexplained bleeding that landed me on bedrest for 2 days.  At 9w4d (Monday) with CB, I had tightness in my abdomen and then a horrible lower backache and cramps that landed me in the emergency room to make sure everything was okay.  CB was bouncing away on the monitor (for the brief second we saw) and all tests for infection and UTI came back negative.  Some people might think, "really, a trip to the ER for a lower backache and tightness?"  I will go to the ER every week if something doesn't feel right and it's after hours at my Dr.'s office, just to know CB is okay and that neither one of us are in danger. 

A follow-up with my RE's office yesterday, left me feeling better because CB was a bouncy little one and my cervix measured double what they expect.  My instructions are to hydrate, stay off of my feet, and call if I need ANYTHING.  There was talk of bedrest...but we avoided that for the time being. 

Can I say again that I LOVE my RE's office?  My Dr. and his nurse are wonderful.  I often feel like a pain in the butt to them, but after talking to them both yesterday, my nurse told me to NEVER hesitate if I need to call.  She told me when she checks her voicemail and hears that I have called, I am top priority to call back, because they know how hard it's been for me.  In a way, I hate being "that patient" but at the same time, I felt so much better to know that I am not as crazy as I thought.

Next appointment is with my regular OB's office on Thursday.  I'll only see the nurse and will get asked probably 200 questions, but my 1 question for them is:  What will be different with them in regards to seeing me this time around?  I'm already going to a high-risk Dr., but is that it?  Or will they monitor me closer too?

I just don't want to go through the next 30 weeks (probably a couple less) scared and feeling like I am walking on egg-shells.  I want this to be exciting and fun.  And more importantly, I want to bring home more than just a memory.