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Sunday, July 25, 2010

Next Time

I just got finished with An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination by Elizabeth McCracken.  I read it in one day, and it's the first book I have read since Bailey's death.  As I was reading, I noticed the things she did not do in her second pregnancy like really announce to people, find out the gender (and yes, I know people just don't do that sometimes), pick out a name, or really buy anything for the new baby.

And that got me to thinking...what is going to be different next time?  Besides the anxiety (which I had with Bailey) going up about 20 notches, and more Doctor's appointments, will anything else change?

So, here's some of the things we did, and we received while I was pregnant with Bailey...

We announced we were expecting at 6w1d...ONLY after hearing the heartbeat for the first time!

We started buying a pack of diapers EVERY time we went to the grocery store...

We bought a fetal doppler during like Week 9 or 10 so I could use at home for a little peace of mind.

I finally started filling out my Pregnancy Journal around week 10...half-heartedly...I only noted what I thought was "important".  What I didn't understand is that it's all important.

We ordered our crib around Week 13...we got it during Week 17 and put it up when we got it.

I started filling out the Baby Journal somewhere during the 2nd trimester

We picked out names early on...For a girl:  Bailey.  For a boy:  Blaine
(Yes, I know those are C names in the photo...I went a different route with this blog post than I originally intended, and now I'm just too lazy to go back to fix it.)

We found out we were having a girl at 19 weeks and announced it as soon as we found out!

My boss bought Bailey's first outfit as her way of "eating crow" because she was convinced Bailey was a boy

We bought Bailey this cute dress, then Adam's mom and dad bought it for her in the next size up

Taura bought Bailey this...this was the first girl to be born in TED (our department acronym)...everyone was excited.

Erin (former member of TED) bought this for Bailey...did I mention, we were all really excited to be buying for a girl?

Melissa bought Bailey this outfit.  Melissa and I were due within 2 weeks of each other, and went through very similar things during our was bizarre.  I received this item the day I went into labor.

The carseat...I ordered this from Target a month before I went into labor, and received it a couple of days after Bailey's funeral.

So, will we do anything different next time?  

Will we announce to everyone early in our pregnancy?  Probably...ONLY after hearing a heartbeat.  I'm horrible at keeping my own secrets. 

Will we choose a nickname and have a named picked out ahead of time?  Probably...It will most definitely be a "C" name. 

Will we find out the gender?  Yes.  I'm a planner and I will have to know. 

Will we buy things?  Yes...we may wait until we get past 23 weeks though. 

Will we use clothes that were bought for Bailey if we happen to have another girl?  Probably...she never got to wear these clothes, and although they were intended for her, it doesn't make economical sense for us NOT to use them.

Things I didn't do with Bailey that I will do next time:  I will take belly photos and I will document like a crazy person. 

I can't imagine not doing many of the same things we did with Bailey for our next child.  I can't imagine not buying things, or preparing, or being excited.  Sure, there will be anxiety (and a lot of it), and worry, and doubts, but also excitement and hope that this will be the one we get to bring home.

So, there anything you plan to do differently next time around?


Julie said...

danae, we only made it to 25 weeks, and there were so many things we hadn't done yet. we'd collected lots of hand-me-downs but we weren't going to do much until i was out of school for the summer. i so hope i will be able to find a way to enjoy my next pregnancy and to be optimistic about it instead of being a nervous wreck for 9 months.

your post here has also made me think of all the things i SHOULD remember and share about my pregnancy with kenny, so i hope you won't mind if i sort of steal your topic!

the first thing that comes to mind to do differently last time is to take belly shots - i am a plus-size woman and i hadn't started looking obviously pregnant until shortly before kenny died, so we never got around to it. i hate that.

Michelle said...

I like this post!
Last time, we told our 5 and 7 year old boys we were pregnant around 13 weeks,
My oldest son was very sad about our baby dying. quite honestly, I am debating if we should wait even longer like after the 20 week ultrasound, but I am not sure yet?
I think I will tell very close family right away for prayer and support.
I will have a name picked out for sure and maybe this time find out the gender..we were gonna wait to find out last time.

Allison said...

This is a great topic. We didn't tell close family and friends until about 6 weeks and waited until 2nd trimester for others. The outreach and support we received was so important after we lost Drew. Josh wants to wait a bit longer to tell next time, but I am not sure yet. We had just started to buy nursery supplies and baby products when Drew died, so we will probably hand them down. I am not really sure how else I will handle the next pregnancy differently (other than the increased medicine and daily shots!). I do know that I don't want to take a single moment for granted.

Violet1122 said...

I'm in the midst of the "next time around" and so far I haven't done anything differently.

Scratch that, I just bought a doppler. It should get here sometime this week. I'm hoping it can give me some peace of mind when I'm particularly fearful. At the same time, I feel like I might have jinxed everything by buying it.

I love my new baby with everything I have, but I'm too afraid to "do" much of anything.

Dana said...

I have been thinking alot about this lately. I've been debating when I would tell people with the next one. I waited until 13 weeks to tell everyone, aside from immediate family, with Jacob. I think I might tell people earlier this time. If I have a miscarriage at anytime, I'll probably tell them that anyway, so I figure I'll tell them at maybe 2 months or so that I'm pregnant.

I will also document the pregnancy better than I did with Jacob. I wish I had written down when I felt his first kick. I know around the time that it was, but I hate that I don't know the date. I am now working on writing down everything that I remember from the pregnancy. I will also take more belly shots. I took them every week or two, but I wish I had done more. Next time I'll do it every week.

I don't think I'll set up a nursery until the baby is born. We were going to set up Jacob's when we moved in September, so we didn't have to come home to one, but we would have set it up if we hadn't been moving. I don't know if I'll buy many things before the baby is born either. I've been telling people that I won't, but I'm sure that I won't be able to resist. I know I'll be scared the whole time, but I'll also be excited. I feel guilty that I hadn't bought alot for Jacob. We had a lot of hand-me-downs to come from my nephew and I was going to buy him alot of things when we went to New York at the end of June. Since he died before then, I never did buy him very much. I do have some things I knit, but I even knit those before I knew I was pregnant. I was in tears the other day because I hadn't bought him much and I thought, what kind of mother doesn't buy her baby things before he is born.

I found out at 17 weeks that Jacob was a boy and I'll find out with the next one too, and pick out a name.

Nicole said...

I enjoyed this post and all the pictures. And your blog looks great, by the way! I've been wanting to get on over here and see it!
We told everyone we knew as soon as we found out. I was just too excited to keep it a secretl. Next time around, I know we'll do the same thing because I want ALL the prayers we can get for Avery's sibling! I'll pretty much do everything else the same, except this next time I will not even remotely prefer a gender. I had been wanting a boy and felt a little disappointed when we found out Avery was a girl. I still feel guilty about that now. :/
I also regret not getting a 4D ultrasound done at 24 weeks, which is the earliest the place near me will let you do one, just for fun. I wish so badly that I had scheduled one for Avery for when I was 24 weeks. She was gone a week later. I would have had a DVD of her moving around in my belly. I would give anything to have that! So next time, I will do that when Baby is 24 weeks!