Twenty-three months. Seven Hundred days. One month away from 24. We are one month shy of Bailey's 2 year birthday. And honestly, it blows my freaking mind...there is no other way to put it.
We have come a LONG way in 23 months. We have been through the worst. We have had horrible days that were ONLY consumed with sadness and tears. We have had days of hope, and we have had days of pure joy. We have had days when we didn't know what emotion to have so we had them all!
We still miss her. That will NEVER change. I can say I am a much stronger person because of her. I have learned so much because of her. I have met some of the most wonderful people because of her.
We are blessed. We are healthy, we have jobs, we live comfortably, and we have Cameron. But, we will always be missing her, so our family will always be incomplete.
I can't believe it's been almost 2 years. I just can't believe it.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Moving Updates
First of all, I want to say thank you to everyone who commented either through Facebook or on my blog since my last post. You all have helped me in so many ways.
So, where are we now in the process? The people we no longer associate ourselves with have called City Hall and the monument place. We have talked to both and my dad has started the paperwork with the funeral home to have Bailey moved.
We have discussed our options and we have decided after talking to my Mamaw that Bailey will be moved to the cemetery plot that will be next to my Mamaw. We went on Tuesday to City Hall and we also purchased a lot (a lot = 5 plots) on the north side of my Mamaw's lot. So, our Valentine's Day (which I call a Hallmark Holiday) was spent by spending $800 on burial plots.
Bailey's headstone will probably be moved first and will be moved as soon as the ground is dry enough that the monument place can come out and move it. It is going to cost us $250 to have it moved. We definitely want to get it moved as soon as possible as there has been talk of it being "forcibly removed". If it is "forcibily removed" and something happens to it...use your imagination of my reaction.
Then, once everything is filed to have her moved (has to be approved by the State Health Department and then also by the County Health Department) then she will be moved to her FINAL place.
I'm doing better now that the week has progressed. I'm still exhausted though.
On a brighter note...Cameron is 5 months old now! She's growing like a little weed! I can't post any pictures right now because I am posting from my iPad, but I promise to get some up soon!
So, where are we now in the process? The people we no longer associate ourselves with have called City Hall and the monument place. We have talked to both and my dad has started the paperwork with the funeral home to have Bailey moved.
We have discussed our options and we have decided after talking to my Mamaw that Bailey will be moved to the cemetery plot that will be next to my Mamaw. We went on Tuesday to City Hall and we also purchased a lot (a lot = 5 plots) on the north side of my Mamaw's lot. So, our Valentine's Day (which I call a Hallmark Holiday) was spent by spending $800 on burial plots.
Bailey's headstone will probably be moved first and will be moved as soon as the ground is dry enough that the monument place can come out and move it. It is going to cost us $250 to have it moved. We definitely want to get it moved as soon as possible as there has been talk of it being "forcibly removed". If it is "forcibily removed" and something happens to it...use your imagination of my reaction.
Then, once everything is filed to have her moved (has to be approved by the State Health Department and then also by the County Health Department) then she will be moved to her FINAL place.
I'm doing better now that the week has progressed. I'm still exhausted though.
On a brighter note...Cameron is 5 months old now! She's growing like a little weed! I can't post any pictures right now because I am posting from my iPad, but I promise to get some up soon!
Sunday, February 12, 2012
I Have To Re-live It
This is going to be a novel...but I have had a HORRIBLE weekend and I have to get this off my chest...
There are two days I don't want to relive...one I would if it meant a different result and the other one wouldn't even have to be if the first day had said different result. I know you know what two days I am talking about.
Day One - April 30, 2010...23 weeks pregnant and I go into labor...and it's too late to stop it when we get to the hospital. A beautiful little girl is born with only a 5% chance of survival. You know how that day ends. It ends with death, broken hearts, sadness, and emptiness.
Day Two - May 4, 2010...the day of Bailey's funeral. The day we have to bury our daughter. The day we have to permanently say goodbye. I remember it like yesterday. I remember crumbling into Adam's arms as I got out of my parent's car and saw the tiniest white casket with flowers on it. My baby, my daughter, my first born...my Bailey is in there.
And I have to relive burying my sweet girl...I have to relive a part of that day.
Some of you, depending how long you have followed my blog, know that Bailey is buried at the foot of my grandma's grave. This grandma is my mom's mom. When Bailey died, we had to make decisions no parent should ever have to make. We decided no cremation, so we knew we would have to bury her. But, where? We had no plots...this wasn't something we planned. So, my dad made phone calls and asked my mom's siblings if it would be okay if we buried Bailey at the foot of my grandma's grave. Everyone agreed. This normally isn't allowed by city ordinance, but since my dad has been Fire Chief and a well-known member of the community, they made an exception for us...especially since she was so small.
When we got ready to order Bailey's headstone, the monument place would not let us order the headstone knowing she was buried at the foot of my grandmother's grave until they heard from the city about two things: First, would we be allowed to place a headstone there? Second, if the answer was yes, would it have to be a small marker or could it be a regular stone? The city called back and the answers that came back were: Yes and they can put whatever they want there. So, we ordered Bailey's headstone. It was set at the end of July 2011.
Fast forward to this past Friday. My aunt gets a letter from the city saying we are in violation because of the headstone...and all hell breaks loose.
My uncle decides to go look on Facebook for any pictures of Bailey's headstone, and he finds one from Christmas 2011. He proceeds to post this comment: "what is this? the burial was only to be temparary, what about my mom and dad's space and respect, on top of that it is in violations of all the codes, please call me."
First I was stunned. Then I was hurt. Then I was infuriated. Cue waterworks and a hysterical phone call to my parents. Temporary? Respect? Violation? WTF? And to top it off, let's put it out on Facebook where all my friends can see...and especially without me knowing anything thing about it!
Come to find out, my family thought us burying Bailey there was temporary. They say they didn't know about the headstone and were stunned to find out we put one out there. (It's been set since July...It's February now...if you haven't known about it for the last 7 months, that tells me NO ONE has been down there except for us). After talking to an aunt, she tells me they don't mind if she's there, even though they thought it was temporary, but it's the stone they really have a problem with. I guess she is supposed to be there without anyone knowing about it. Taboo subject, much?
We NEVER would have buried Bailey there or put a headstone there if we thought it was disrespecting my grandparents. NEVER! I was always close to both grandparents and we truly thought they would want her to be there with them. We never buried her there with the intentions of it being temporary. The only instance in which we ever talked about moving her was if something ever happened to me or Adam early in life. If something happened, we talked about the possibility of moving her to be next to the other. But, we never thought we would have to move her because my family is causing a stink about it. We understand we put everyone in a VERY tough spot when we asked if we could bury her there. But, even with the situation as it was, if they didn't want it to happen, someone should have said so...the whole situation already sucked...I don't think it could have gotten much worse.
I talked to the uncle who posted the comment on Friday evening and told him that it was crappy that he put it on Facebook. He should have called me. He proceeded to tell me that the comment was private. When I told him all of my friends could see it, he responded with "Only if they click on the picture". Well, yes, that is true, but it still can be viewed! And that just isn't how it should have been handled! I told him we are having her moved, and I'm done. His response..."Ok, thanks for calling". So, I am done. Done meaning, I am cutting ties. Don't call me, don't visit me, don't think about me. I'm DONE.So, now...21 1/2 months later, we are making plans to have Bailey moved. We have options because Adam's grandpa had bought an extra plot for his second wife, but she was buried elsewhere and that plot was left "for any Southerland to use". My mamaw (my dad's mom and only surviving grandparent) has offered us one of the extra plots she has. She bought extras and is in the process of having my papaw moved from Missouri. My best friend's mom (she's Ma to me, and has been since I was 10) even offered us her spot because she doesn't plan on being buried. So, we have options, which I am grateful for. My mom's side has even said my grandparents had bought extra plots and they would like to offer one of those to us. We are not taking that option because we don't want anything from them. We don't want anything to be held over our heads. And whose to say in another 2 years that someone won't come back and say "Well, that was just supposed to be temporary too".
Having a child die is hands down THE worst thing I think a person could go through. It isn't the natural order of things. To make the decision to bury or cremate your child is tough. But, to bury your baby and then later have to have her dug up and moved because of your "family"...I just have no words for that.
Things will never be the same with any of them. Even if we can get "over" this, the next time I see anybody, I am always going to wonder what the thoughts are. There will always be the hurt feelings. There will always be the huge pink elephant in the room and it will be this subject.
If you made it through this, you are wonderful. But, my question to you as a reader, and please answer honestly:
What would you have done? How would you have reacted? Do you think I overreacted or am acting childish?
There are two days I don't want to relive...one I would if it meant a different result and the other one wouldn't even have to be if the first day had said different result. I know you know what two days I am talking about.
Day One - April 30, 2010...23 weeks pregnant and I go into labor...and it's too late to stop it when we get to the hospital. A beautiful little girl is born with only a 5% chance of survival. You know how that day ends. It ends with death, broken hearts, sadness, and emptiness.
Day Two - May 4, 2010...the day of Bailey's funeral. The day we have to bury our daughter. The day we have to permanently say goodbye. I remember it like yesterday. I remember crumbling into Adam's arms as I got out of my parent's car and saw the tiniest white casket with flowers on it. My baby, my daughter, my first born...my Bailey is in there.
And I have to relive burying my sweet girl...I have to relive a part of that day.
Some of you, depending how long you have followed my blog, know that Bailey is buried at the foot of my grandma's grave. This grandma is my mom's mom. When Bailey died, we had to make decisions no parent should ever have to make. We decided no cremation, so we knew we would have to bury her. But, where? We had no plots...this wasn't something we planned. So, my dad made phone calls and asked my mom's siblings if it would be okay if we buried Bailey at the foot of my grandma's grave. Everyone agreed. This normally isn't allowed by city ordinance, but since my dad has been Fire Chief and a well-known member of the community, they made an exception for us...especially since she was so small.
When we got ready to order Bailey's headstone, the monument place would not let us order the headstone knowing she was buried at the foot of my grandmother's grave until they heard from the city about two things: First, would we be allowed to place a headstone there? Second, if the answer was yes, would it have to be a small marker or could it be a regular stone? The city called back and the answers that came back were: Yes and they can put whatever they want there. So, we ordered Bailey's headstone. It was set at the end of July 2011.
Fast forward to this past Friday. My aunt gets a letter from the city saying we are in violation because of the headstone...and all hell breaks loose.
My uncle decides to go look on Facebook for any pictures of Bailey's headstone, and he finds one from Christmas 2011. He proceeds to post this comment: "what is this? the burial was only to be temparary, what about my mom and dad's space and respect, on top of that it is in violations of all the codes, please call me."
First I was stunned. Then I was hurt. Then I was infuriated. Cue waterworks and a hysterical phone call to my parents. Temporary? Respect? Violation? WTF? And to top it off, let's put it out on Facebook where all my friends can see...and especially without me knowing anything thing about it!
Come to find out, my family thought us burying Bailey there was temporary. They say they didn't know about the headstone and were stunned to find out we put one out there. (It's been set since July...It's February now...if you haven't known about it for the last 7 months, that tells me NO ONE has been down there except for us). After talking to an aunt, she tells me they don't mind if she's there, even though they thought it was temporary, but it's the stone they really have a problem with. I guess she is supposed to be there without anyone knowing about it. Taboo subject, much?
We NEVER would have buried Bailey there or put a headstone there if we thought it was disrespecting my grandparents. NEVER! I was always close to both grandparents and we truly thought they would want her to be there with them. We never buried her there with the intentions of it being temporary. The only instance in which we ever talked about moving her was if something ever happened to me or Adam early in life. If something happened, we talked about the possibility of moving her to be next to the other. But, we never thought we would have to move her because my family is causing a stink about it. We understand we put everyone in a VERY tough spot when we asked if we could bury her there. But, even with the situation as it was, if they didn't want it to happen, someone should have said so...the whole situation already sucked...I don't think it could have gotten much worse.
I talked to the uncle who posted the comment on Friday evening and told him that it was crappy that he put it on Facebook. He should have called me. He proceeded to tell me that the comment was private. When I told him all of my friends could see it, he responded with "Only if they click on the picture". Well, yes, that is true, but it still can be viewed! And that just isn't how it should have been handled! I told him we are having her moved, and I'm done. His response..."Ok, thanks for calling". So, I am done. Done meaning, I am cutting ties. Don't call me, don't visit me, don't think about me. I'm DONE.So, now...21 1/2 months later, we are making plans to have Bailey moved. We have options because Adam's grandpa had bought an extra plot for his second wife, but she was buried elsewhere and that plot was left "for any Southerland to use". My mamaw (my dad's mom and only surviving grandparent) has offered us one of the extra plots she has. She bought extras and is in the process of having my papaw moved from Missouri. My best friend's mom (she's Ma to me, and has been since I was 10) even offered us her spot because she doesn't plan on being buried. So, we have options, which I am grateful for. My mom's side has even said my grandparents had bought extra plots and they would like to offer one of those to us. We are not taking that option because we don't want anything from them. We don't want anything to be held over our heads. And whose to say in another 2 years that someone won't come back and say "Well, that was just supposed to be temporary too".
Having a child die is hands down THE worst thing I think a person could go through. It isn't the natural order of things. To make the decision to bury or cremate your child is tough. But, to bury your baby and then later have to have her dug up and moved because of your "family"...I just have no words for that.
Things will never be the same with any of them. Even if we can get "over" this, the next time I see anybody, I am always going to wonder what the thoughts are. There will always be the hurt feelings. There will always be the huge pink elephant in the room and it will be this subject.
If you made it through this, you are wonderful. But, my question to you as a reader, and please answer honestly:
What would you have done? How would you have reacted? Do you think I overreacted or am acting childish?
Friday, January 27, 2012
What's happened in January?
I have been a very neglectful blogger...We are either not home, too busy, or just flat out exhausted. What has happened in January?
We kept my niece Desiree over the weekend of the 14th. Having a 2 1/2 year old running around when you aren't used to it is EXHAUSTING! She was good though, and it's a good thing, because I was SO sick that Saturday night. Adam got a full dose of caring for 2 kids at the same time. He called his mom in as a reinforcement though! I was miserable...migraine, throwing up...not a good night. Desiree loves loving on Miss Cameron though!
Cameron is getting so big! She is 4 months old now! We are still having horribly fussy evenings. It is funny though, because she thinks being undressed on the changing table is the most hilarious thing in the world! That usually works as our instant happy button! :)
At her 4 month appointment on January 16th, she weighed 17 pounds 10 ounces (96th percentile) and was 25 3/4 inches long (90th percentile). She got her shots, but took them like a champion, and once she was done with her shots we had a bottle ready and it was instant happy! Well...probably not happy, but at least she wasn't screaming at the top of her lungs!
We kept my niece Desiree over the weekend of the 14th. Having a 2 1/2 year old running around when you aren't used to it is EXHAUSTING! She was good though, and it's a good thing, because I was SO sick that Saturday night. Adam got a full dose of caring for 2 kids at the same time. He called his mom in as a reinforcement though! I was miserable...migraine, throwing up...not a good night. Desiree loves loving on Miss Cameron though!
Cameron is getting so big! She is 4 months old now! We are still having horribly fussy evenings. It is funny though, because she thinks being undressed on the changing table is the most hilarious thing in the world! That usually works as our instant happy button! :)
Taken a couple of days late - but Cameron's 4 month picture!
At her 4 month appointment on January 16th, she weighed 17 pounds 10 ounces (96th percentile) and was 25 3/4 inches long (90th percentile). She got her shots, but took them like a champion, and once she was done with her shots we had a bottle ready and it was instant happy! Well...probably not happy, but at least she wasn't screaming at the top of her lungs!
Who is that girl looking back at me?
Just a diaper and socks while waiting on Ms. Amy!
We were given the go ahead to start cereal. She tolerates it, but it isn't her favorite. We have also given squash and apples a try. She likes both of those! Tomorrow, we are going to try some green beans!
One year ago today we found out that Bailey was going to be a big sister. One year later, we are taking her little sister to a pediatric eye doctor to have her eyes checked out. Our pediatrician noticed Cameron's eyes are still pretty crossed. They wanted us to have them checked out because if we can work to correct it now, then that's probably best. So, today, we went to the eye doctor. Cameron has a slight astigmatism (not enough to need glasses) and her right eye is definitely crossed. So, now we have to patch her good eye (her left) for 1-2 hours each day and try to force her right eye to work and hopefully line itself out. We have an appointment in 3 months and if it isn't corrected, she may have to have eye surgery.
She's our little "pirate"....Arrrrrrrrgh!
We are just plugging right along! We are staying busy, but so far, all is well!
Monday, January 2, 2012
What Do I Want in 2012?
What do I want in 2012? What kind of person do I want to be?
1. I want to be healthy...which is going to require to get my butt in gear and lose some of this pregnancy weight. I gained WAY too much in my pregnancy with Cameron, and it's time for it to go! I started back on Weight Watchers October 12, and I have had NO motivation to track what I'm eating or to even attempt to be good. And where has it gotten me? Nowhere of course! All I have effectively done is gained 4 pounds!
So, it's time to get serious, and it's time for me to start tracking and get my eating habits back in order! I have decided that I am going to only do WW online, because due to finances right now, I am giving up WW meetings and the gym (I haven't been able to go anyways). But, online will still give me everything I need, and maybe I can find some people who will hold me accountable! I need accountability right now!
2. I want to be more positive. I have been struggling lately with being positive. I am incredibly fortunate and blessed. I have a home, a job, family, friends, a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful daughters, an ornery poopy dog...but yet, I keep finding myself being so negative about wages, finances, day to day stuff...I just need to accept what it, and if I can't accept it, then I need to figure out what to do to change it. But, one thing is for sure...I need to stop griping about it.
3. I want to rediscover my faith. Please, do not take it upon yourself at this point to minister to me, or preach to me. This is something that is going to take some serious time and I have to figure out where to start...and that may take a little bit. I've lost my way over the years...I used to go to church...I used to pray...I used to believe unfalteringly...however, I started putting other things first over the years, and after April 30, 2010, it is no secret that I got seriously mad at God. I needed someone to blame, other than myself, and he got the brunt of that blame.
I know some of my friends who have lost their babies have found a stronger relationship with God. Some have unwavering faith that there is a greater reason and a greater plan. That was sooooo not me. I am slowly rediscovering my faith and my beliefs, and this year has been a big part of that. I have accepted that sometimes bad things just happen to good people. And that was our circumstances in 2010. It took me a long time to accept that...and I think it took me so long because of this conversation...
I had a conversation with someone I used to work with not long after Bailey's death. We were talking about kids, and he told me he and his wife were planning to go to Hawaii for their 5 year anniversary, just like they did on their honeymoon. He told me that they planned to get pregnant while there, and the baby would be born at the last part of the year, and then they could claim this little one on their taxes the next year. Me, being the realist, and having gone through 4 years of infertility treatments, 2 miscarriages, and Bailey's death, said "Things don't always go as we plan". He responded something to the effect of "But, we're good people, and we deserve it".
That conversation shattered me and has haunted me...because at that point in time, I wondered what I did that was so horribly wrong that my worst nightmare would come true? What did I do to deserve it? It took many months to realize it's not what I have or haven't done...I didn't deserve it. No one deserves it. It was a tragedy that happened. It's part of my story. It's part of my journey. She's part of my story...my journey.
So, as my journey continues into 2012, I have things I want to accomplish. Things I need to work on. And goals I have set. And I will get there. It may take a while, but these too are part of my journey.
1. I want to be healthy...which is going to require to get my butt in gear and lose some of this pregnancy weight. I gained WAY too much in my pregnancy with Cameron, and it's time for it to go! I started back on Weight Watchers October 12, and I have had NO motivation to track what I'm eating or to even attempt to be good. And where has it gotten me? Nowhere of course! All I have effectively done is gained 4 pounds!
So, it's time to get serious, and it's time for me to start tracking and get my eating habits back in order! I have decided that I am going to only do WW online, because due to finances right now, I am giving up WW meetings and the gym (I haven't been able to go anyways). But, online will still give me everything I need, and maybe I can find some people who will hold me accountable! I need accountability right now!
2. I want to be more positive. I have been struggling lately with being positive. I am incredibly fortunate and blessed. I have a home, a job, family, friends, a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful daughters, an ornery poopy dog...but yet, I keep finding myself being so negative about wages, finances, day to day stuff...I just need to accept what it, and if I can't accept it, then I need to figure out what to do to change it. But, one thing is for sure...I need to stop griping about it.
3. I want to rediscover my faith. Please, do not take it upon yourself at this point to minister to me, or preach to me. This is something that is going to take some serious time and I have to figure out where to start...and that may take a little bit. I've lost my way over the years...I used to go to church...I used to pray...I used to believe unfalteringly...however, I started putting other things first over the years, and after April 30, 2010, it is no secret that I got seriously mad at God. I needed someone to blame, other than myself, and he got the brunt of that blame.
I know some of my friends who have lost their babies have found a stronger relationship with God. Some have unwavering faith that there is a greater reason and a greater plan. That was sooooo not me. I am slowly rediscovering my faith and my beliefs, and this year has been a big part of that. I have accepted that sometimes bad things just happen to good people. And that was our circumstances in 2010. It took me a long time to accept that...and I think it took me so long because of this conversation...
I had a conversation with someone I used to work with not long after Bailey's death. We were talking about kids, and he told me he and his wife were planning to go to Hawaii for their 5 year anniversary, just like they did on their honeymoon. He told me that they planned to get pregnant while there, and the baby would be born at the last part of the year, and then they could claim this little one on their taxes the next year. Me, being the realist, and having gone through 4 years of infertility treatments, 2 miscarriages, and Bailey's death, said "Things don't always go as we plan". He responded something to the effect of "But, we're good people, and we deserve it".
That conversation shattered me and has haunted me...because at that point in time, I wondered what I did that was so horribly wrong that my worst nightmare would come true? What did I do to deserve it? It took many months to realize it's not what I have or haven't done...I didn't deserve it. No one deserves it. It was a tragedy that happened. It's part of my story. It's part of my journey. She's part of my story...my journey.
So, as my journey continues into 2012, I have things I want to accomplish. Things I need to work on. And goals I have set. And I will get there. It may take a while, but these too are part of my journey.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2011 - A Year End Review
SO much happened in 2011. It is crazy thinking back at how it started and seeing how it ended.
As we planned for adoption, we decided to give our last round of Femara a shot, with the promise that if it didn't work, we stop all infertility treatments and focus our energy on adopting a little one from South Korea. Little did we know that we would get this:
We had the best Valentine's Day ever...we got to see Cameron (at that time known as CB) and hear her heartbeat for the first time!
My cerclage was placed on April 1st. What's the irony that on the first day of April I would get the few little stitches that would be needed to keep CB safe and warm, when on the last day of April the year before, Bailey was born because we didn't have those little stitches? We also found out that CB was officially a Cameron instead of a Casey when the ultrasound showed she was a girl!
April also brought Bailey's first birthday. We officially made it through our year of firsts without her.
I was broken...so incredibly broken. We left the horrible year of 2010 behind us, only taking with us the beautiful memory of a beautiful baby girl who blessed our lives for such a brief period of time.
We made the decision to adopt and in January 2011, we had started forward with our plans to make this happen. We already had put together our portfolio, with this as our cover picture:
We had the best Valentine's Day ever...we got to see Cameron (at that time known as CB) and hear her heartbeat for the first time!
My cerclage was placed on April 1st. What's the irony that on the first day of April I would get the few little stitches that would be needed to keep CB safe and warm, when on the last day of April the year before, Bailey was born because we didn't have those little stitches? We also found out that CB was officially a Cameron instead of a Casey when the ultrasound showed she was a girl!
April also brought Bailey's first birthday. We officially made it through our year of firsts without her.
My birthday came around in May. And for the first time in 2 years, it didn't suck. My birthday 2009 - internal audit was visiting and I was stressed to the max. My birthday 2010 - one week post Bailey's death. Yeah, we all know how well I was doing then. My birthday 2011 - pregnant with Cameron and a few friends and my husband surprised me with a dinner get-together!
We made it past THE week in June. Yes, we made it past 23 weeks, which was THE week we lost Bailey. I was a nervous wreck that week.
We made it through the hottest summer on record with record breaking heat and record number of days of 100+ degree temperatures. Oh, how I love Oklahoma summers. For the record...if I could plan it, I would NOT be pregnant again during the summer....ugh.
After 9 long months, we finally met this sweet face on September 15 at 9:45 a.m....
After a stressful pregnancy after loss, to get her here safe and sound and to hear that first cry was music to our ears!
In November, we got to meet Allison, Josh, and Genevieve. That was also Cameron's first out of state trip!
We got to have firsts this year that weren't absolutely heart-wrenching and heartbreaking. Cameron's first trip, her first Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. We got to hear first laughs and we have many more firsts that we are looking forward to!
2011 was a good year...a great year. It was a healing year. A little piece of us is still missing and always will be, but we are doing much better at the end than we were in the beginning. Our little family grew and we are all well.
And as we started 2012 this morning at 5:30 a.m. (because Cameron REALLY thought she needed to be up!) but it was all worth it to see her smiles and hear her giggles!
I'm so excited to see what 2012 has in store for us. I am thrilled to get to watch Cameron continue growing and I can't wait to see her little personality develop! This little black-haired, blue-eyed girl certainly has us mesmerized, and it is definitely her show!
To answer a question Julie asked on Facebook earlier and that others have asked too over the course of this past year: Yes, we do still plan to adopt. We hope to have at least 1 more little one who is biologically ours, and then once we are a little more financially stable (meaning we finally have some crap paid off), then we hope to adopt. We would like to adopt from South Korea still, but we may ultimately decide to go through the Choctaw Nation as I am a registered Choctaw. We'll see where the road takes us when we get there!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas from our family to yours!
I said at Thanksgiving, and I will say it again. It's amazing the difference a year makes.
Last year, I dreaded all the holidays. It was our first set of holidays without Bailey. And I was miserable. We were miserable. It was awful. Last year, I remember wanting to crawl in a hole an not come out until 2011 started. I was curious what I posted last year on Facebook, so I went back today to see. I didn't wish anyone a "Merry Christmas". The one and only post I put was: "I know this isn't very positive, but I'm glad today is almost over." And I was. We had just made the decision to adopt. We were working on our portfolio. We had been in contact with the homestudy place. We were in full speed ahead. Little did we know what 2011 was about to bring us...It would bring us this little bundle of joy (and crankiness)!
This year, I am feeling incredibly blessed. We still miss Bailey and that will never change. But, having Cameron here the last 3 months, 1 weeks, and 3 days has given us so much hope. I have enjoyed the holidays this year. Even though Cameron will not remember them one bit, I have been so excited for her first Christmas!
Cameron got a gourmet dinner last night of level 1 Gerber sweet peas! She liked them alright, but I think we will be good and wait before we give her anymore. We only have to wait another 3 weeks!
As the start of a tradition, we read "Twas the Night Before Christmas" to Cameron before bedtime. She was impressed...not really, but we can pretend!
We opened gifts without her last night, but she got all sorts of goodies! We didn't buy her a thing, because we knew she would get plenty! She got an exersaucer and Under Armor from Aunt Sarah, Uncle Carlos, and Desiree. She got toys, socks, clothes (that are too small for our "healthy" baby), and a rug from Grammy and Paw-paw (my parents).
This morning (really this afternoon when we looked) we found out what Santa brought Cameron. She got toys, air fresheners (Santa knows this girl can stink it up!), and a lullaby lamb!
Today, she got a pair of jammies from Granny & Papa (Adam's parents) and a teddy bear from Aric (her cousin). She also got an outfit, a Rudolph book, and toys from Mimi (Adam's sister), Uncle Art, and Adrik.
We feel so incredibly blessed this year. We know we have a special angel watching over us, and we know she had a hand in sending Cameron to us. Bailey knew we needed this sweet girl to help our very broken hearts and Cameron has been exactly what the Dr. ordered!
Merry Christmas to you all! To all of my beautiful, kind, sweet, and dear baby-loss moms and friends, you all have been in my thoughts and prayers, and your little ones are always in my heart!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Photo Bomb from our Sears Photo Session!
I have nothing to say really, so here are pictures from our Sears photo session today. Cameron was NOT a happy camper, but overall, I am pleased with how they turned out! I want more of her in the red dress though! Happy viewing!
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Happy Thankgiving
Happy Thanksgiving to all of my friends and family! No matter where you are on your journey, I wish a peaceful time for you and your families.
It's amazing the difference one year can make. Last year, I remember starting the month of November wishing I could crawl in a hole and sleep away the next two months. It's no secret to anyone that I was NOT excited about the holidays. I was so bitter and angry in my grief that we didn't even decorate for Christmas last year. The only thing we did was buy a small pink tree (that we settled on because we couldn't find one that we loved) that sat on the kitchen table in Bailey's honor.
Now, this year, I am so thankful because we have Cameron, our precious rainbow who has brought so much joy into our lives. She has helped heal part of the gaping wide hole that used to be there. Although that hole is still there, it is not as huge as it once was, and she has done a fine job at bandaging it. This year, I actually am looking forward to the holidays. This year, we are going to decorate for Christmas. We bought a new pink tree (a bigger one) that will still be in Bailey's honor, but it will be for both of our girls.
Today, we took Cameron to the cemetery for the first time. We could not spend the holiday and not go visit Bailey's spot. And since it was Cameron's first time there, we took a family picture.
It's amazing the difference one year can make. Last year, I remember starting the month of November wishing I could crawl in a hole and sleep away the next two months. It's no secret to anyone that I was NOT excited about the holidays. I was so bitter and angry in my grief that we didn't even decorate for Christmas last year. The only thing we did was buy a small pink tree (that we settled on because we couldn't find one that we loved) that sat on the kitchen table in Bailey's honor.
Now, this year, I am so thankful because we have Cameron, our precious rainbow who has brought so much joy into our lives. She has helped heal part of the gaping wide hole that used to be there. Although that hole is still there, it is not as huge as it once was, and she has done a fine job at bandaging it. This year, I actually am looking forward to the holidays. This year, we are going to decorate for Christmas. We bought a new pink tree (a bigger one) that will still be in Bailey's honor, but it will be for both of our girls.
Hanging out in her high chair at Grammy & Paw-Paws on her first Thanksgiving. She's thoroughly impressed...
Today, we took Cameron to the cemetery for the first time. We could not spend the holiday and not go visit Bailey's spot. And since it was Cameron's first time there, we took a family picture.
Our little family...always missing one special little girl
Sisters
Monday, November 21, 2011
Road Trip to Ft. Smith!
This past weekend, we took Cameron on her first major road trip (that wasn't to Grammy & Paw-Paw's house). We went to Ft. Smith, Arkansas to meet Allison, Josh, and a Genevieve! Allison is one of the first BLMs I connected with and we talked about meeting back when Cameron and Genevieve were just the rainbow babies we dreamed of someday having. For this trip to finally happen was fantastic!
This was Cameron's first trip out of state (except for the trip to Texas when she was still hanging out in mommy's belly) and her first stay at a hotel! She did very well!
Now...let the photo bomb begin!
This was Cameron's first trip out of state (except for the trip to Texas when she was still hanging out in mommy's belly) and her first stay at a hotel! She did very well!
Now...let the photo bomb begin!
Cameron chilling in the hotel bed...she's impressed...can't you tell?
Mommy & Cameron posing for a photo-op in the hotel room!
Allison & Cameron
Me & Genevieve
From L to R: Adam, Me, Cameron, Allison, Genevieve, and Josh
A HUGE thanks to the stranger at breakfast who took pictures for us!
At the Arkansas Welcome Center
Adam was sweet enough to drive BACK into Arkansas once we got to I-40. I was disappointed that we couldn't get a picture at the state line Arkansas sign as we were leaving Ft. Smith, because of it's location. So, when Adam saw a billboard listing the Welcome Center as 8.1 miles east on I-40, he took us back into Arkansas so we could get a picture with a sign...all for documentation of Cameron's out-of-state trip! He's so sweet!
I am so glad we were able to take this trip, and that we were finally able to meet Allison and her wonderful family! We hope to be able to do this maybe once a year and watch these sweet rainbow babies grow up together!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Before Pictures and Stats
Here we go...pictures of the "before" just like I promised. I by no means look super presentable, because these pictures were taken at 6:00 this morning...but, they will suffice. This is all pre-TurboFire (which I started today!).
My Stats as of 11/15/2011:
Weight (according to last WW weigh-in on 11/9/11): 201.2
Arms: 15 inches (both)
Chest: 42 3/4 inches
Waist: 43 3/4 inches
Hips: 47 inches
Thighs: 27 inches (both)
In one week and then again in one month, I will re-take measurements and see how I am doing. Hopefully I will see some progress! I did my first TurboFire workout this morning (Fire 30/Stretch 10) and I enjoyed it! Very fast paced! Just need to keep up my motivation!
My Stats as of 11/15/2011:
Weight (according to last WW weigh-in on 11/9/11): 201.2
Arms: 15 inches (both)
Chest: 42 3/4 inches
Waist: 43 3/4 inches
Hips: 47 inches
Thighs: 27 inches (both)
In one week and then again in one month, I will re-take measurements and see how I am doing. Hopefully I will see some progress! I did my first TurboFire workout this morning (Fire 30/Stretch 10) and I enjoyed it! Very fast paced! Just need to keep up my motivation!
Not Happening...
I give up. I obviously cannot post every day for the month of November. I tried, and I keep forgetting.
I will be posting later, but I just thought I would put it out there that I cannot seem to do this post every day thing.
Epic. Fail.
I will be posting later, but I just thought I would put it out there that I cannot seem to do this post every day thing.
Epic. Fail.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Days 10 & 11 of Thanks & TurboFire
Of course...I missed another day. Honestly, I was going to do it last night, but then it turned into a nightmare night at my house. We either are still battling colic or Cameron was just upset because of her snotty nose...I don't know which to attribute the 3 hour screamfest at our house to...but it's one or the other. But, there was definitely NO pleasing this little girl last night!
Day 10 of Thanks: I am thankful for the nice weather we have been having. We are having lovely fall weather and have actually had rain. Oklahoma weather this summer was 70+ days of 100+ temps and very little rain. So, to have 50-60 degree temperatures is wonderful!
Day 11 of Thanks: Two things (one more as humorous and one serious): I am thankful for the 6 1/2 hours of sleep (straight through) that I got last night. After the 3 hour screamfest, Cameron was FINALLY done and slept like a rockstar last night! She went to sleep at about 10:30 last night, and she slept until a little after 5 this morning. It was so nice to get some straight through sleep (although, I was up at 4 because my hips and back were hurting and I had to pee horribly bad).
I am also thankful for all of the people who have, are, or will be serving in the Armed Forces. It is because of all of these people who are sacrificing so much that we have the privilege of enjoying the freedoms that we have. To all of you, THANK YOU!
TurboFire: I just ordered TurboFire (actually won an Ebay auction) and I expect it to be in next week. I need something I am going to enjoy doing at home, because until I go back to work, going to the gym is a little more difficult than I anticipated. So, I ordered TurboFire with the hopes that it will help me (along with Weight Watchers) at kicking some of this weight in the next 4 weeks (3 by the time I get it) before going back to work. I am very limited on clothing choices at this point, and I actually don't know that I will have enough clothes to get me through an entire work week when I go back, and maternity clothes are not an option, because everything I have is summer clothes.
I'll keep you posted how this goes too!
Have any of my readers tried TurboFire? How did you like it? Did it work for you?
Day 10 of Thanks: I am thankful for the nice weather we have been having. We are having lovely fall weather and have actually had rain. Oklahoma weather this summer was 70+ days of 100+ temps and very little rain. So, to have 50-60 degree temperatures is wonderful!
Day 11 of Thanks: Two things (one more as humorous and one serious): I am thankful for the 6 1/2 hours of sleep (straight through) that I got last night. After the 3 hour screamfest, Cameron was FINALLY done and slept like a rockstar last night! She went to sleep at about 10:30 last night, and she slept until a little after 5 this morning. It was so nice to get some straight through sleep (although, I was up at 4 because my hips and back were hurting and I had to pee horribly bad).
I am also thankful for all of the people who have, are, or will be serving in the Armed Forces. It is because of all of these people who are sacrificing so much that we have the privilege of enjoying the freedoms that we have. To all of you, THANK YOU!
TurboFire: I just ordered TurboFire (actually won an Ebay auction) and I expect it to be in next week. I need something I am going to enjoy doing at home, because until I go back to work, going to the gym is a little more difficult than I anticipated. So, I ordered TurboFire with the hopes that it will help me (along with Weight Watchers) at kicking some of this weight in the next 4 weeks (3 by the time I get it) before going back to work. I am very limited on clothing choices at this point, and I actually don't know that I will have enough clothes to get me through an entire work week when I go back, and maternity clothes are not an option, because everything I have is summer clothes.
I'll keep you posted how this goes too!
Have any of my readers tried TurboFire? How did you like it? Did it work for you?
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Day 9 of Thanks, Sick Girl, and WW Update
Day 9 of Thanks: Today, I am thankful for cold medicine, but am sad that I can't give my sweet girl anything. She doesn't feel good and is so congested. She sneezes and the poor thing just sneezes masses of snot. Poor girl just rattles when she breathes. I just feel bad for her. Hopefully she will feel better soon.
She slept most of the day in her swing, and I had her Boppy laying on the ground. As I was getting ready to work out this morning, I walked by, and this is what I found:
Desmond likes Cameron's Boppy!
Weight Watchers Weekly Update: I lost 1.2 pounds this week for a total of 4.8 pounds since I started. It's going much slower this time around, but it's because I haven't been on track and haven't been in the gym near what I was last time. Getting there...slowly but surely!
She slept most of the day in her swing, and I had her Boppy laying on the ground. As I was getting ready to work out this morning, I walked by, and this is what I found:
Desmond likes Cameron's Boppy!
Weight Watchers Weekly Update: I lost 1.2 pounds this week for a total of 4.8 pounds since I started. It's going much slower this time around, but it's because I haven't been on track and haven't been in the gym near what I was last time. Getting there...slowly but surely!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Day 8 of Thanks & Pinterest
Day 8 of Thanks: Today, I am thankful for my friends. Both real life (meaning I have actually met you in person) and my online friends. There are many people who I have never met face to face, but I consider close friends. I have pretty spectacular friends who have been there for me in good times and in bad, and I am so appreciative of all of you! You all are pretty fabulous!
Pinterest: I am so incredibly hooked on Pinterest. I have found myself wasting many hours on it. I knew there was a reason I avoided it up until now...and that reason would be because I knew I would spend way to much time on there! I am finding different workout regimens, different recipes, and all sorts of craft ideas! I can't wait to actually work on some of them and give some things a try! Maybe I will even post some of the "tries" on here! We'll see how it goes!
I did try the 10-10-10 Quick Interval work-out that I found on Itty Bits of Balance. It kicked my tail, but it was a GREAT workout! I found her website/blog through Pinterest and I am hooked!
Until tomorrow my readers!
Pinterest: I am so incredibly hooked on Pinterest. I have found myself wasting many hours on it. I knew there was a reason I avoided it up until now...and that reason would be because I knew I would spend way to much time on there! I am finding different workout regimens, different recipes, and all sorts of craft ideas! I can't wait to actually work on some of them and give some things a try! Maybe I will even post some of the "tries" on here! We'll see how it goes!
I did try the 10-10-10 Quick Interval work-out that I found on Itty Bits of Balance. It kicked my tail, but it was a GREAT workout! I found her website/blog through Pinterest and I am hooked!
Until tomorrow my readers!
Monday, November 7, 2011
Days of Thanks: 4-7
I've already gotten behind and didn't blog every day in November like I had intended...oops! This weekend was a busy one and we spent Friday through Sunday at my parent's house, and Adam has been sick, so it has essentially been just me on Cameron duty...so, this mommy is rather tired.
So, here I am going to try to get caught up on my Days of Thanks!
Day 4: I am thankful for our parents. They all have been there for us always. They are a wealth of knowledge and support. We are incredibly fortunate that our parents are all still married to each other and we hope to be as incredibly blessed.
Day 5: I am thankful for my job. I am incredibly fortunate to be able to take 12 weeks of to spend at home with Cameron, and then even more fortunate to go back to a job that I enjoy. In this economy, I am so grateful that can have both.
Day 6: I am thankful for my house. It's more than just a house...it's our home. We happened to stumble across it 2 years ago, and it was just what we were looking for. We have experienced a lot of firsts in this house, and I am so grateful we have it.
Day 7: I am thankful for my family. I am incredibly fortunate to have grown up in a large family, and I got to grow up with all of my cousins. Yesterday, as we celebrated my mamaw's 80th birthday and I got to see many family members I haven't seen in years, I was reminded at how lucky I am!
Hopefully I don't get behind again.
Weight Watchers update: I didn't track this weekend, and I didn't get to work out...weigh in this week is looking very grim.
So, here I am going to try to get caught up on my Days of Thanks!
Day 4: I am thankful for our parents. They all have been there for us always. They are a wealth of knowledge and support. We are incredibly fortunate that our parents are all still married to each other and we hope to be as incredibly blessed.
Day 5: I am thankful for my job. I am incredibly fortunate to be able to take 12 weeks of to spend at home with Cameron, and then even more fortunate to go back to a job that I enjoy. In this economy, I am so grateful that can have both.
Day 6: I am thankful for my house. It's more than just a house...it's our home. We happened to stumble across it 2 years ago, and it was just what we were looking for. We have experienced a lot of firsts in this house, and I am so grateful we have it.
Day 7: I am thankful for my family. I am incredibly fortunate to have grown up in a large family, and I got to grow up with all of my cousins. Yesterday, as we celebrated my mamaw's 80th birthday and I got to see many family members I haven't seen in years, I was reminded at how lucky I am!
Hopefully I don't get behind again.
Weight Watchers update: I didn't track this weekend, and I didn't get to work out...weigh in this week is looking very grim.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Day 3 of Thanks & Music Question
Day 3 of Thanks:
I am thankful for my mamaw. Today is her 80th birthday and I am so thankful that I have gotten to spend all 28 years of my life knowing her, and I hope that I have many more years to enjoy. She is the only surviving grandparent I have left on my side of the family. Happy Birthday to my wonderful mamaw!
NaBloPoMo Question Day 3: Can you listen to music and write? What song did you hear today?
I can listen to music and write. I listen to music all day on my ipod when I am working. I haven't really listened to the radio today since I haven't driven anywhere, but I was watching Pop Up Video on VH1 and listened to Katy Perry's "Firework" and that's the only one I can remember...lol
Weight Watchers Weigh-in Update (weigh-in 11/2/11): I lost 1.8 pounds this week! I have stayed within points range for the last 2 days, and I did Zumba last night.
"Before" picture will not be for a few days, because my face has chemical burn on it from the facial cleanser I started using. Since I'm no longer pregnant, my face is broken out like a teenager going through puberty...I started using Clean and Clear facial stuff and it has chemical burned my face, and it HURTS! Guess I need to find something else to try.
Until tomorrrow....Have a great day!
I am thankful for my mamaw. Today is her 80th birthday and I am so thankful that I have gotten to spend all 28 years of my life knowing her, and I hope that I have many more years to enjoy. She is the only surviving grandparent I have left on my side of the family. Happy Birthday to my wonderful mamaw!
NaBloPoMo Question Day 3: Can you listen to music and write? What song did you hear today?
I can listen to music and write. I listen to music all day on my ipod when I am working. I haven't really listened to the radio today since I haven't driven anywhere, but I was watching Pop Up Video on VH1 and listened to Katy Perry's "Firework" and that's the only one I can remember...lol
Weight Watchers Weigh-in Update (weigh-in 11/2/11): I lost 1.8 pounds this week! I have stayed within points range for the last 2 days, and I did Zumba last night.
"Before" picture will not be for a few days, because my face has chemical burn on it from the facial cleanser I started using. Since I'm no longer pregnant, my face is broken out like a teenager going through puberty...I started using Clean and Clear facial stuff and it has chemical burned my face, and it HURTS! Guess I need to find something else to try.
Until tomorrrow....Have a great day!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Day 2 of Thanks and Weight Watchers
I didn't like the question for NaBloPoMo for today "If you knew the next meal you would eat would be your last, what would you choose?" or something along those lines...So, I am going to move on to Day 2 of Thanks.
Day 2 of Thanks:
I am thankful for my amazing husband. We met while working at McDonald's and started dating in October 1999 and have been together ever since. He became my husband on June 4, 2005. I am a better person because of him. He makes me want to be better. He is an amazing daddy and he has given me 2 beautiful girls. I love him with all of my heart, and I look forward to what the rest of our lives have in store for us.
And my 2nd topic for today: Weight Watchers I'm outing myself, because I need to say it out loud and get some accountability. I have joined Weight Watchers again. I had gotten down to 154 pounds and then I found out I was pregnant with Cameron. I gained 72 pounds (yes, you read that right) while pregnant (I just did the math) and got up to 226 pounds. This is STILL not the heaviest I have ever been...when I joined WW in September 2009, I weighed in at 232.2 pounds. Since having Cameron, I have lost 22 pounds. I still weigh 204.2 pounds. I HAVE to get this weight off. I am embarrassed by how much I weigh still and I need to get some of it off before going back to work, because I am going to be very limited on what I have to wear.
So, I pledge it here again...I WILL get this weight off. I want to be the best mom I can be...I want to be a fun, fit, and active mom. So, I commit to doing the best I can every week. I will try to update here what I have lost each week (weigh-in day is on Wednesdays, so I will update either on Wednesdays or Thursdays)...please encourage me or maybe even yell at me if I have a bad week...show me some tough love baby! :) Keep an eye out...I'll post a "before" picture sometime within the week...I just have to get Adam to take one of me.
Thanks for your love and support!
Day 2 of Thanks:
I am thankful for my amazing husband. We met while working at McDonald's and started dating in October 1999 and have been together ever since. He became my husband on June 4, 2005. I am a better person because of him. He makes me want to be better. He is an amazing daddy and he has given me 2 beautiful girls. I love him with all of my heart, and I look forward to what the rest of our lives have in store for us.
And my 2nd topic for today: Weight Watchers I'm outing myself, because I need to say it out loud and get some accountability. I have joined Weight Watchers again. I had gotten down to 154 pounds and then I found out I was pregnant with Cameron. I gained 72 pounds (yes, you read that right) while pregnant (I just did the math) and got up to 226 pounds. This is STILL not the heaviest I have ever been...when I joined WW in September 2009, I weighed in at 232.2 pounds. Since having Cameron, I have lost 22 pounds. I still weigh 204.2 pounds. I HAVE to get this weight off. I am embarrassed by how much I weigh still and I need to get some of it off before going back to work, because I am going to be very limited on what I have to wear.
So, I pledge it here again...I WILL get this weight off. I want to be the best mom I can be...I want to be a fun, fit, and active mom. So, I commit to doing the best I can every week. I will try to update here what I have lost each week (weigh-in day is on Wednesdays, so I will update either on Wednesdays or Thursdays)...please encourage me or maybe even yell at me if I have a bad week...show me some tough love baby! :) Keep an eye out...I'll post a "before" picture sometime within the week...I just have to get Adam to take one of me.
Thanks for your love and support!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
NaBloPoMo & 30 Days of Thanks
I am going to combine 2 things over the next month. November is National Blog Posting Month and also with it being November, I am going to include in every days post a reason why I am thankful.
NaBloPoMo Topic Day 1: What is your favorite part of writing?
My favorite part of writing (on this blog particularly) is because it lets me express feelings that I probably wouldn't say out loud...at least not to most people. It lets me talk about Bailey and Cameron without fear. It's my shield...I don't have to see people's faces when I talk about things that make them uncomfortable. It lets me be just me. I can vent when I am upset, write when I'm sad, celebrate the good things...I can write about it all.
Sharing here allows people to get to know me better. Whether it is that you've known me your entire life or we just met in the last 18 months...you get to learn more about me.
30 Days of Thanks: Day 1
Note: These 30 Days of Thanks are in no particular order.
Today, I am thankful for my 2 beautiful daughters. They both have taught me a lot about myself. Bailey has taught me that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. She has taught me to love unconditionally. In the short time she was with us, she taught me so many things. I can't even verbalize it all.
Cameron has taught me what it is like to be a mom to a child on Earth. She has taught me about patience. She has taught me how to function when completely sleep deprived (haha...just a joke)...She teaches me something new every day.
Stay tuned as I continue through November...and feel free to join me with either NaBloPoMo or 30 Days of Thanks! If you do decide to join me, please comment and let me know!
NaBloPoMo Topic Day 1: What is your favorite part of writing?
My favorite part of writing (on this blog particularly) is because it lets me express feelings that I probably wouldn't say out loud...at least not to most people. It lets me talk about Bailey and Cameron without fear. It's my shield...I don't have to see people's faces when I talk about things that make them uncomfortable. It lets me be just me. I can vent when I am upset, write when I'm sad, celebrate the good things...I can write about it all.
Sharing here allows people to get to know me better. Whether it is that you've known me your entire life or we just met in the last 18 months...you get to learn more about me.
30 Days of Thanks: Day 1
Note: These 30 Days of Thanks are in no particular order.
Today, I am thankful for my 2 beautiful daughters. They both have taught me a lot about myself. Bailey has taught me that I am stronger than I ever thought I was. She has taught me to love unconditionally. In the short time she was with us, she taught me so many things. I can't even verbalize it all.
Cameron has taught me what it is like to be a mom to a child on Earth. She has taught me about patience. She has taught me how to function when completely sleep deprived (haha...just a joke)...She teaches me something new every day.
Stay tuned as I continue through November...and feel free to join me with either NaBloPoMo or 30 Days of Thanks! If you do decide to join me, please comment and let me know!
Sunday, October 30, 2011
18 Months
Dear Bailey,
Sweet girl, it's been 18 months since we said "hello" and "goodbye" to you. Where has time gone? There are days that it seems like just yesterday, and there are days that it seems like it was a lifetime ago.
Your sister is growing like a weed. She is 6 weeks old and when I look at her, and count my blessings that not only do I have her here with me and your daddy, but we also have you looking out for her. Because I know you are. I know that you sent her to us to help mend our broken hearts.
We still miss you and I think about you all the time. We still talk about you with people we meet and you will always be our first-born.
Mommy loves you and misses you. Keep a watch over your little sister, okay?
Love,
Mommy
Sweet girl, it's been 18 months since we said "hello" and "goodbye" to you. Where has time gone? There are days that it seems like just yesterday, and there are days that it seems like it was a lifetime ago.
Your sister is growing like a weed. She is 6 weeks old and when I look at her, and count my blessings that not only do I have her here with me and your daddy, but we also have you looking out for her. Because I know you are. I know that you sent her to us to help mend our broken hearts.
We still miss you and I think about you all the time. We still talk about you with people we meet and you will always be our first-born.
Mommy loves you and misses you. Keep a watch over your little sister, okay?
Love,
Mommy
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