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Sunday, June 13, 2010

Dear Anonymous

Dear Anonymous Commenter,

Thank you for your comment on "The Rose Garden" blog. I am glad you are reading my blog, and to be completely honest, I have no idea who you are based on that post. None of what I am about to say is meant to be offensive or mean...but I have found in "trying" to heal, if I don't say how I feel, it gets, please understand where I am coming front when I point a couple of things out.

I know things happen for a's a bigger reason than I will understand, but it still sucks. When saying that one little phrase (which I have also probably said and wrote before) it just reminds me that I DON'T know what that reason is...and I hate not knowing. I hate not knowing why God needed my child more than I needed her. I will never understand. I will accept it because not accepting it is far much worse, and it won't bring Bailey back...but I will never fully understand it.

"If you are meant to have a child you will". I would recommend not using that phrase to anyone who is going through infertility or suffering from a loss. Because for those who are battling infertility and who have never had the chance to become pregnant, it hurts, because in most cases, we feel as if our body has failed us (that's how I felt at least). And for those who have suffered a loss, it feels like it is discrediting the child we do have. I was meant to have a child...her name is Bailey. I just didn't get to keep her here with me. But she still is MY child...and she was meant to be mine and will always be mine. She will never be replaced, and she will always be my first-born. And she, my first girl, will always have a piece of my heart that she took with her when she left this world.

Again, Anonymous, I don't know who you are, and my post is just an explanation of how I feel. Other mommies and daddies who have been where I am may disagree with the thoughts I have verbalized.

But Anonymous, I want to thank you for loving me, thinking of me, reading my mixed up and crazy emotional posts, and having the courage to post a comment to let me know you care. And if I were wherever you are, I would so take a hug right now...because the pain is bad this morning...and it hurts...even 6 weeks after losing Bailey it still hurts more than I ever thought possible. I miss Bailey so much.



Hannah Rose said...

I just came across your page...Bailey is so precious! I'm so sorry. Thinking of you, Hannah Rose. Check out my blog:

Lauren said...

Hi dear I came across your page at work and I want to let you know, I know how it feels. My son Emmanuel was born 4/17/08 and passed away 1hr later. Though I dont know your specific sitution, I know how it feels to have something "taken" from you. This blog to the anonymous person IS exactly how I feel still some 3 years after that day. I am praying for your strength as well as your husbands. You are such a beautiful person who lost someone in the physical sense very special. Bailey IS beautiful and you ARE still a mother. God Bless