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Monday, June 14, 2010

No Restrictions

I went to the Dr. today for my 6 week post-partum check-up. The Dr. said my incision looks great and is healing nicely. We have been given the release to try again on our own with no medication. We have to wait another 6 weeks before we go back to medication. I am praying it happens again before then. Not because I want to replace Bailey, but I have the strongest urge and need to be pregnant and to mother a child I get to keep with me.

The Dr. also released me with "no restrictions". And that made me sad...Instead of being 2 months from my due date and being restricted from doing much of anything, I'm released to do anything I want. But, I guess I don't really get what I want right now.

It's raining...and I'm sad...I've always heard raindrops are the teardrops from heaven...and I tell you...heaven is crying long and hard here in Oklahoma right now.


Violet1122 said...

I'm glad your check up went well, and that there are no complications. I'm sorry you've been having such a sad day. Big hugs and lots of prayers!!

Anonymous said...

Hello, I am new to reading your blog. : ) <3 I lost my baby (39 weeks) on April 27th. I completely understand your feelings of wanting to mother. I know part of it is pure biology- our bodies think we should be mothering right now- no one told our bodies that we lost our babies. But part of it is just, for me at least... hope. I need hope. I need to love pregnancy, mothers, and children again. I fear that the longer I wait in limbo (not a mother, not childless...) the more resentful I will be towards all things pregnancy and all things motherhood. I don't want to be jealous of other women anymore.. I don't want the sight of babies make me cry. xoxo

Kristin said...

Glad the appointment went well danae. You do not need to justify or defend your desire to have another baby--of course you're not trying to replace your sweet Bailey--you couldn't do that even if you tried :) I have the same feelings. The "mother" button has been switched to "on" for me and I am not going to feel whole again until I have a living baby to be a mother too. Hoping it happens as quickly as possible for both of us :)

Julie said...

i, too, have that need to be a mother, and i echo everything annette said here.