Brave and Strong

I'm rather proud of myself today.  I have a friend, who was due 2 weeks after my due date, and she gave birth to her baby boy today at 31w2d.  He weighed a little over 3 pounds, is in the NICU, but is doing well.  I'm proud of myself because I went to go see her.  It's a step in the right direction.  She is in the same ward I was, in the same hospital, and was actually right around the corner from my room.  I started having anxiety before I got there, but I did not let it control me.  The memories of EVERYTHING that happened the day I went into pre-term labor and had to deliver Bailey came rushing back.  I remember getting wheeled around in the bed...I remember the lights.  I remember the panic and how scared I felt.  I remember the complete sadness.  I remember all the tears that were shed.  I remember the horrible feeling I had when I was wheeled out of the hospital in a wheelchair and no baby.  All of those memories and the anxiety came flooding back...but I controlled it today!  I put on my best brave face, and away I went. 

I was brave...I was strong...I did what I didn't think I would be able to do.  It was not my first time back in that hospital (I went to see her a couple of weeks ago when she first went into labor), but that is the first time that I had to go back to that floor in L&D.  Last time I went to a different floor of L&D, and it looked different...it was different.

We have to be so strong.  We have to carry what feels like the weight of the world on our shoulders sometimes...Emotionally and mentally this is tough.  I've made it this far though...One step at a time...one foot in front of the other...