I have this hunger that needs to be satisfied. It's the hunger for being a mom. I feel like I have gone to some really cool party, had a bite of some really fabulous dessert, only to find out that the bite I had was the last bite, and there won't be anymore for a long time. That's how I feel now...I feel like I was finally invited to the cool kids party, because I finally got the invitation to be a mom. I got a little more than halfway through the party because I made it to 23 weeks with Bailey. I got to have a taste for the dessert I wanted when I delivered Bailey and got to hold this preciousness in my arms. Then I was told that was it, there was no more...that's how I felt when she died. I felt 1000 times worse after she died, than not getting the dessert I wanted, but you understand the analogy.
To have to go through this battle of trying to conceive again, feels like I'm waiting to get that invitation again. I wanted that invitation last time, but this time I have a hunger for it. I have a hunger to get to the end of the party, have my cake, and eat it too...and I want to eat the whole freaking piece...not just a bite. I have the hunger to get to the end of a pregnancy, deliver my baby, get to keep him or her, take him or her home, and live happily ever after. It's not too much to ask for....right?
And I have hope that someday this will happen. And hopefully someday soon.