Friday, July 23, 2010

Causes of Death

Today has been emotionally challenging.  With tomorrow being Adam's birthday, we took today off.  We needed to go to the Department of Vitals Records and do something we have been dreading...we had to go and get copies of Bailey's Birth Certificate AND Death Certificate.  We needed them though...Adam's life insurance policy allows us to file a claim for her, but you need a copy of both certificates to make the claim.  Since she was a live birth, we will also be able to claim her on our taxes next year, but again, we need a copy of both certificates.

No parent should ever have to pick up a death certificate for their child.  It's wrong on all levels, and it unfair on all levels.

One things I was surprised to see on Bailey's death certificate were causes of death.  I never gave much thought to what was going to be on there.  I just thought the obvious...she was just born too early.  But as the lady at the DoVR gave us the copies and I sat there reading them, there were 5 reasons listed as "Cause of Death".

1.  Cardio Respiratory Failure - when I googled this, here was a response I found "It is a generalised term which is used to describe the cause of death when no specific cause is known .  It means cardiac arrest which led to respiratory failure.  However it does not describe any proper disease."

2.  Anemia -  Condition in which the body does not have enough healthy red blood cells.

3.  23 Week Extreme Prematurity - Well, duh.

4.  Respiratory Distress Syndrome - Condition that makes it difficult to breathe.

5.  Hypovolemia - Low blood volume

I think I would have rather just thought it was because of her prematurity.  I know all of these were factors because of her prematurity, but I think I could have done without knowing all the other reasons.  Because now I wonder if she suffered?  Was she in pain? 

Sometimes I wish I would have gotten the chance to hold her before or as she left this Earth.  But, now I know if I would have, she probably would have been in more pain, she probably would have suffered more.  But, the selfish part of me wishes I could have had that chance because I never had it.  And that would not have been fair to her.

It's been a long day...I'm drained.

6 comments:

Julie said...

i'm so sorry, danae. i, too, have wondered if kenny was in pain when his cord prolapsed and he wasn't getting enough oxygen. sending you a hug.

lis said...

your blog looks beautiful

im so sorry about today. these are the kind of days that you yearn for the end of...

i had different causes for my girls' deaths, but the feeling is the same

living horror

it will get easier. i wish i could tell you that it goes away.

thinking of you
xoxo
lis

Dana said...

What a hard day....

I was really worried that Jacob had pain, but I read somewhere that babies under 24 or 25 weeks don't feel pain because their nerve endings haven't finished forming. I hope she didn't feel any pain. You are such a good Mom.

Violet1122 said...

What a rough day. I hope your weekend is more peaceful.

You're not selfish at all for wishing Bailey could have been with you longer, wishing you could have held her.

((Big hugs))

Elaine said...

so sorry Danae. It's something you never should have had to go through.

Drew's Parents said...

Oh, I am so sorry. That is so much to take in. I hope that Bailey only felt the love that you and your family shared with her. I am sending you peaceful thoughts this weekend.