This post may offend some of my family members and friends...I apologize in advance. This post also gets into religion and such.
I have come to a realization that I am horrible at verbalizing things. After a couple of conversations with Adam this weekend, I came that conclusion very quickly.
First conversation occurred on our way home last night. We have always accepted that we were raised in different denominations of religion. Adam was raised Baptist and I was raised Church of Christ. We have never made a clear, concise decision on how our children will be raised. We have never defined that boundary. Adam thinks the way Church of Christ does things are a little weird...I think the way Baptists do things is a little weird. We accepted that we have those opinions.
But, as we were driving home last night, we had a conversation that I couldn't verbalize my opinions or beliefs. I just couldn't make it come out like I wanted...and I still don't know how to make it come out "right". We were talking about baptism on our way home. I have only been to a Baptist church a handful of times. From what I have understood, the belief is you confess and are saved, and then later (days, weeks, months, however long) you are baptized. Growing up Church of Christ, when you "confessed", accepted God and Jesus, you were baptized and saved. "Repent, confess, and be baptized, and you will be saved." is what I was taught. To me, it is like an "all in one" package deal. I know, I know...ultimately the same thing when you get down to the nitty gritty of it, right? But, I guess I don't fully understand why it is different between denominations. I'm not saying one is right and one is wrong...it's just different.
I also haven't been able to understand getting baptized at a very young age. Yes, maturity and upbringing has a lot to do with it. So, I am not against baptism at a young age (or any age for that matter) as long as there is an understanding and someone is mature enough to make that decision. But, I heard of kids I went to school with, that were baptized just for the act of it, and nothing changed. These were the kids who partied every weekend...drank illegally, smoked, did drugs. I think most of them did it because "everyone was doing it", not because of a mature, thought out decision, or even because of belief. And I didn't agree with it then, and I don't agree with it now.
I could go on and on about this topic probably for hours...but I don't know how to verbalize these thoughts, and mixed up emotions. So, they will remain a jumbled mess. But, I realized last night, that this is a difference we are going to have to work out. Because we are going to have to make a decision on how our children will be raised in regards to religion. And I need my ducks to be in a row, and be able to have a discussion and be able to verbalize my beliefs in order to make this decision.
My second instance in which I was unable to verbalize myself was tonight. (This is a much lighter subject). I want to re-vamp my blog, and I found a template I like that someone created, but I wanted to change some things on it. I wanted to add some things, and delete some things. And as I tried to explain to Adam what I wanted for the final product, I couldn't convey it. So, I drew a picture, and tried to point out the things I wanted to change. And I figured out, that even with drawing a picture, I couldn't convey some of the things (doesn't help that I am a really crappy artist).
I want my blog for Bailey to be a special place. I want it to look perfect. I am not happy with how it currently looks, so I wanted to create that space. I used to know how to do these things...and I have lost that knowledge. And with the loss of that knowledge, I now have to rely on someone else to do it for me...and when I can't verbalize what I want, that makes it hard to get it.
I guess I need to work on my communication. Either that, or write everything down...sort it all out, and then go from there.