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Wednesday, June 23, 2010


I am amazed at the insensitivity of people.

After I went back to work, some people avoided me like the plague. Now, almost 8 weeks later, there are people who talk to me, and I rather they would have just left me alone. Just like today.

A woman this morning told me she didn't know what to say, but she was sorry for what I had been through. I said "thank you" and the conversation should have been finished...or I thought. If only she would have stopped there.

This woman proceeded to tell me about a loss she had...and around 6-8 weeks after her loss, she said her husband came up to her and told "This is enough. You need to get over it". I sat there stunned...I wouldn't know what to do if Adam EVER said that to me...other than possibly hurt him. But, she didn't stop there. She then proceeded to tell me "Things happen for a reason", and this one is a huge trigger for me. I HATE that phrase.

The only thing I could do was leave her office, go up to my training room, drop my things, go to the bathroom, lock myself in a stall, and cry. I didn't know what else to do. Then I had to pull myself together, go back to my training room, and get prepared to train a class. And I had NO desire to be there. I wanted to go home, curl up in a ball, and cry til the numbness took over.

I couldn't believe her husband told her to "get over it". This will never be something I "get over". It is something I will learn to cope and live with, but never get over it. I couldn't believe the insensitivity he showed. It made me sick to my stomach to think about it.

And if things happen for a reason, then God, I want to know why? I want to know what the reason was that my baby and other babies have to be taken away? I want to know why I have to be miserable because of this tragedy? I want to know why wonderful people who I have met on this journey have to be miserable and sad because of their losses? WHY? I don't want to hear because there is a bigger plan for my baby...because I had some pretty big, and pretty fantastic plans, so I thought.

I'm angry...And this week has not been a good it over yet?


Allison said...

I am so sorry you had to deal with that during an already bad week. I also HATE hearing "it happened for a reason." I have yet to confront anyone who has said it, but boy do I have an inner monologue running. It sounds like we are fortunate to have supportive husbands who would never be so insensitive.

Bailey's picture is precious. My thoughts are with you.

Michelle said...

I ask that same question all the time...If don't know your theological beliefs, but I know it helped me to read Max Lucado's book, my mom read me part of it one night and it seems to it on my blog..The three letter question...I don't know maybe it will help you
It still doesnt and never will take the pain away...the hole in our hearts will go away but there will ALWAYS be a scar...we will always remember our babies and forever miss them.
Thinking of you,


Kristin said...

Sorry you're week has gotten any better yet. Keep your head up and remember you're stronger than you think you are :)


Kristin said...

I meant your week HASN"T gotten any better yet. They need an "edit" button for comments :)

Anonymous said...

Some people should just have their mouths sewn shut. Love you.

Anonymous said...

I think I said that same crap (happen for a reason) right after, because I was so like.. messed up and in shock.. but now I HATE it too. There IS NO GOOD REASON for a baby to just DIE. Sorry. Yes, good can come out of it, but so much good could have come out of her LIFE. Ugh. :( So sorry you had to cry in the bathroom. I did that last week.

Lisette said...

People can be so mean, I will never get used to those comments. I especially hate it when it's from someone who had a loss like this years ago because it makes me see them differently. I have learned to cope better in these months but I will never be over it. It just seems cruel to me. I could be 80 yrs old and I know the love I have for my daughter will never just fade. A parents love never goes away.

I hope you have better days ahead of you. Thinking of you and sending you big ((HUGS))