Wednesday, June 30, 2010

2 months

I know...I know...2 posts in one night...but, there are things I had to say that I didn't want to put in my letter...Frustrations I felt today.

Today is Bailey's 2 month Angelversary.  And only a handful of people acknowledged it.  My fears of her being forgotten seems more and more real every day.

This morning started out not great.  I was sadder than normal when I got up, but ultimately, the day wasn't as bad as I expected.  It did have it's moments though (and both included my boss).

Moment #1:  My boss walks into my office and we have the following conversation.
Boss:  Danae-Nae...How are you today?
Me:   I'm okay. 
Boss:  Well, I have a whole freaking department of "I'm okays" today.  Are you just having a bad day?
Me:  Well, yeah...today is 2 months....
Boss:  *shrugs shoulders, rolls eyes, spins around, and walks out*

Are you freaking kidding me?!  Not the first time I have gotten the eye roll in the last couple of weeks from her.  So frustrating and yet so annoying.  It's almost like it feels like she is one of the ones who expects me to be "over" it.

Moment #2:  A manager I am talking to tells me that someone we both worked with a couple of years ago, passed away at the age of 76 a couple of days ago.  I went to let my boss know, because I didn't think she knew.  She then asked me if his mother was still alive.  I didn't know, so that's how I responded.  She then proceeds to say "Well, I hope for her sake that she went before he did.  I can't imagine what it would be like to bury a child."  Again, are you freaking kidding me?!  Thank you for reminding me of the "natural order" of things.  I am consciously aware of that.  And unfortunately, I do know what it is like to bury a child...and it's not fun.  No matter how old you are, or how old your child is, it's not fun.

Other than that, the day wasn't bad.  It was still tough, but not as tough as I expected.

10 comments:

OURedhead said...

I just want you to know that I still remember Miss Baily and I think of her, you and Adam often. Love you!

Dana said...

Bailey's anniversary is one day before Jacob's and one month sooner. I think about you and Bailey often. I love the name you chose for her. For years I have been planning to use if it if I have a little girl.

I can't believe the eye roll and comment you got today at work. Do these people not think!

I'm glad that day wasn't as touch as you expected.

Dana
xoxo

Drew's Parents said...

How frustrating. Those kinds of interactions can make a bad day so much worse. I am also thinking you and Bailey. Her sweet picture always pulls at my heartstrings. Hugs and support as you and your husband begin another month of healing.

Violet1122 said...

I'm so sorry your boss is less than sympathetic. What can I say? There are people who will never "get it".

I have been thinking of you and Bailey. I am so sorry you lost her. It's just not right.

This is a one-day-at-a-time sort of thing. I hope the days ahead will bring you a little more peace.

Kalialani said...

Wow I can't believe people can even act like that...rolling their eyes, shrugging their shoulders and just walking out??...OMG that makes me so mad! Your daughter died, how the hell can they even think that you should get over that? UGH...

and usually I can understand how people say things and don't realize that it wasn't the right thing to say but that was just like.. TOO stupid for that woman to tell you "I can't imagine what it would be like to bury a child" That statement just goes above and beyond the stupidity I've ever heard.

Anyways just know that I am always thinking of Bailey!

Lucid Anne said...

Good LORD, the insensitivity of people just astounds me. I truly believe people have become so completely self absorbed, self centered that they do not think beyond their own perspectives. Ugh. SO SO stupid!!

Melissa said...

I know the feeling, I get the eye rolls and sighs from some people in my family when I bring the subject up. Grrr!

shabbycottagegirl said...

I am so sorry that your boss is such a butt! I hope sometime you're able to unleash your inner biotch and let her have it.

And I want you to know that your Bailey is always on my heart. Your blog is one of the one's I'm constantly stalking so I think of your family quite often.

Sending hugs your way...

Tara Brown said...

I am so sorry that your boss is like that. I can imagine she is a very lonely person. When you are hurting and feel like you can't go any further, stop to pray. God is there for you, maybe not in a way you expect him to be there, but he is there. I think of Bailey and you often. Even though I am not a mother, I have deep empathy for you. You and Adam are great people and great parents.

Julie said...

i am so sorry your boss is so insensitive. you don't deserve to have to deal with that. june 30 was the 2-month anniversary of kenny's death, and july 1 was the 2-month anniversary of his birth. i'm sorry i didn't know at the time that it was also bailey's. i do think of her, though, when i think of my babyloss mamas' angels. i hope bailey's next angelversary will be easier for you. i am starting to dread august 12, my due date.