I am amazed at the insensitivity of people.
After I went back to work, some people avoided me like the plague. Now, almost 8 weeks later, there are people who talk to me, and I rather they would have just left me alone. Just like today.
A woman this morning told me she didn't know what to say, but she was sorry for what I had been through. I said "thank you" and the conversation should have been finished...or I thought. If only she would have stopped there.
This woman proceeded to tell me about a loss she had...and around 6-8 weeks after her loss, she said her husband came up to her and told "This is enough. You need to get over it". I sat there stunned...I wouldn't know what to do if Adam EVER said that to me...other than possibly hurt him. But, she didn't stop there. She then proceeded to tell me "Things happen for a reason", and this one is a huge trigger for me. I HATE that phrase.
The only thing I could do was leave her office, go up to my training room, drop my things, go to the bathroom, lock myself in a stall, and cry. I didn't know what else to do. Then I had to pull myself together, go back to my training room, and get prepared to train a class. And I had NO desire to be there. I wanted to go home, curl up in a ball, and cry til the numbness took over.
I couldn't believe her husband told her to "get over it". This will never be something I "get over". It is something I will learn to cope and live with, but never get over it. I couldn't believe the insensitivity he showed. It made me sick to my stomach to think about it.
And if things happen for a reason, then God, I want to know why? I want to know what the reason was that my baby and other babies have to be taken away? I want to know why I have to be miserable because of this tragedy? I want to know why wonderful people who I have met on this journey have to be miserable and sad because of their losses? WHY? I don't want to hear because there is a bigger plan for my baby...because I had some pretty big, and pretty fantastic plans, so I thought.
I'm angry...And this week has not been a good one....is it over yet?