Just a Hug

Sometimes a hug is just what we need...and yesterday, a hug is just what I got. I was out doing some training and I had a manager ask if she could give me a hug, and I told her she could. And at that moment in time, a hug was just what I needed. It has been so hard to go back to work. Many people don't know how to act. Most act like things are normal, others avoid, but only a handful of people will do the small acts of kindness like giving me a hug, and that shows me people do still care.

To most, it's a regular normal day. To me, it's never going to be a normal regular day. I will ALWAYS be thinking about Bailey, and how I miss her. I start thinking about different scenes that "could have been" like...If none of this happened, and she was happy and healthy in my belly still, what would she be doing? Kicking up a storm and keeping me up at night? I could be 29 weeks today, and the thought she is gone still hurts. Or what if she would have made it? I would have a 6 week old baby right now! I know she still would have been in the NICU, but I can't help but wonder what it would have been like?

I know we made the right decision...we couldn't let our little girl be in pain and suffer, but I still can't help but wonder what it might have been like.

And on days that I hurt like I do today, sometimes all I need...is a hug.