It's not contagious!

Today, it felt like one of my biggest fears hit me square in the face. And it hurt.

I dreaded our monthly meeting this morning. I dreaded it because I was afraid of how people would treat me. And it was just a horrible as I could have imagined. I walked in the room, and there were quite a few people there and I noticed some people look at me, and then immediately look away. Not one person said "good morning" or "hello". No one asked me how I was doing. It felt like people kept their distance from me, and tried to avoid me like I had some contagious disease. I wanted to jump up and scream "I'm not contagious! I don't have the Black Plague! My baby died! Just because you talk to me or ask how I am doing, I am not going to freak out on you or tell you my life story! I'm just going to tell you "I'm okay" unless you ask for specifics! But, please don't pretend like nothing has happened or try to ignore me! Just because you avoid or ignore me doesn't mean I will go away!" I know I wasn't outgoing by any means or chatty, but can you blame me?

It was the most horrible feeling in the world. My boss told me I looked like I was having a bad day, and I burst into tears. I felt like no one cared...I know that's not the case, but that's how I felt.

I don't require a lot of attention. I don't think I'm needy...and I really try to be there for others. Most of the time I slip into the background. But, not being acknowledged at all except for the quick glances away was awful.

Please don't treat me like it's a disease. Please don't treat me like if you talk to me, or breathe the same air it will "rub off". That's not how it works...you know it, and I know it. Please don't be afraid to ask me how I'm doing. I'm not so fragile I will break. I might shed a few tears, but that's okay.

I promise...it's really not contagious.