Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Angels & Heaven

I haven't posted anything in a couple of days, because my mind has been in overdrive. 


Kristin - I know you're probably reading this at some point in time or another...but your "Big Questions" post, really got my brain to thinking.  I'm not going to re-hash praying and why I do it, or anything like that, but it spurned other thoughts.


The two biggest things that have went through my mind in the last couple of days...


Angels:  A lot of moms in the baby-loss community refer to their babies as angels.  We "celebrate" (for the lack of a better word) what some call "Angelversaries".  I have also referred to Bailey as an angel and referenced the anniversaries of her birth & death as "Angelversaries, or Angel Days".  One definition of "angel" is "a deceased person whose soul is regarded as being accepted into Heaven".  Another definition is "a person having qualities generally attributed to an angel, as beauty, purity, or kindliness".  Bailey is my angel, because I believe her sould was accepted into Heaven.  It had no reason not be accepted, because of the purity she owned.  She never knew evil.  She never knew the heartache of this world.  She was beautiful, and she was pure.


I don't know physically what an angel looks like, but the idealized version society has is the being with a halo and wings.  Some visualize an angel as a being that looks like cupid.  I don't imagine Bailey with wings or a halo.  When I think of my daughter, my "angel", I visualize her as the perfect, beautiful little girl that she was.  Do I believe she is acting perfect up in Heaven?  Absolutely not...she is her momma's child after all.  :)  I do however own an "angel" pendant that I got from Adam for my birthday/Mother's Day.  It is very special to me, and is my reminder of Bailey (not that I need any reminders) and it is something that is very dear to my heart.  A picture of my angel pendant is posted in my "Picture A Day".


Do you call your baby an "angel"? If so, why?


Another thing I have thought a LOT about, is Heaven and Hell.  If I am so fortunate to make it into Heaven, I wonder who I am going to meet (and yes, I know there is some kind of book about who you will meet in Heaven...I just haven't gotten around to reading it).  I wonder how I will look to them?  If my Grandma Abshure and my Papaw Stewart were standing side by side, looking at me, what will they see?  Will my Grandma see see the 26 year old me that she saw before she died?  Will my Papaw see the 9 year old version of me that he saw before he died?  If I die an old woman, will they see me as that old woman?  How will they recognize me?  Will Bailey recognize me?  Will I recognize her?  Will she look like the baby I have captured in the photographs?  Or will she be older, more matured, still perfect version?


I've also wondered how this works...Who do you spend all eternity with?  Meaning, if someone loses their spouse, and then later re-marries, when those people die, who does the person who remarried spend the rest of eternity with?  I would hate to think that if something horrible ever happened and either Adam or I died (morbid thought...yes, I know), and once the other person died (and the 2nd spouse), that I could possibly be alone.  That thought scares the stuff out of me.  Yes, it's completely selfish, I understand that...but I would like to know...


My mind is just a jumbled mess...

3 comments:

Lucid Anne said...

Heaven and Hell confuse me, for those very reasons, so I choose to think that we are simply reunited by being welcomed into a huge life force (like the force from Star Wars!) where we all just become one huge source of love and energy and understanding and bliss. Eternal bliss.

Elaine said...

I do call my little Blaine an angel. There's no doubt in my mind that he's in heaven right now. I just finished a book called "Safe in the arms of God" I forget the author's name. It deals with the loss of a child through a Christian perspective. Knowing he's in Heaven still doesn't fix it though. I am selfish enough that I would rather him here with me.

Kristin said...

I believe Stevie's soul is in heaven. What that means, I have no clue. I don't for a second believe she's got a halo and wings. Or that she's even able to "watch over me." I know she's happy and safe and I like to think of her as a little kid, just enjoying being a little kid.